Why Sports? I’ll Tell You Why.

I am going to set forth and explain something, that when usually questioned, receives a glare, a shrug or “just get me another beer” in reply.   This is far all of you who wonder what exactly is the attraction to sports.  Why do we glue ourselves to the TV for hours on end? Why do we talk and debate endlessly about coulds, shoulds, whys and hows of these games?  Why do we paint faces, shout, sing songs and sometimes, even cry about these sports, which in reality have little importance to the survival of the individual crying? It is all because sport itself is an irreplaceable institution of civilized human society.

Aristotle claims man to be a social animal with a natural affinity for friendship and community.  Giving us a little too much credit.  Thomas Hobbes, is a little on the pessimistic side and felt that man, a self involved, individualistic creature, finds society to be merely a convenient way to get what he wants and keep it.

The reason behind sport lies between the two.   There was a time when men began to band together for such things as protection and the mixing of genes.   Men poorly designed and vulnerable to their environment had to be constantly plotting, predicting, confronting, adapting to and conquering the adversities of the unknown that stemmed from the natural world.   That type of behavior is what makes one Human. Everything else is just basic life function.

In today’s society, the natural world hardly exists.  Yet there is still the underlining need for men to be men in a world designed for automatons.   Ones job and ones marriage and family are just fulfilling some of those animalistic life functions that every living creature does to exist.

The same reasons children knock each other around are the same reasons fuzzy little puppies; kittens and cubs knock each other around.   No, you do not see a bunch of grizzlies practicing a play action pass. (And we should worry if we do) but the natural world has not been removed from them.  Society might not have the need for each man to use his instincts.  But his instincts need society to provide an outlet.

Today, there are more Monday morning chieftains than warriors to take the field but the war paint, tribal colors, the allegiances are as ever alive.  We plot and discuss, question and strategize, we form the tribal bonds of what we now call teams.   We defend “our home.”   We compete to win or lose. We do this all because it is what put us here on top of the food chain.

Many say sports are stupid, and that they don’t understand the purpose behind the game or the behavior of the fans.  Some of these are a little more feminine and prefer baking and potpourri.  Many have been roughed up by some dumb jock when they were 13 so decided to take it out on an entire social institution.   Most just are not athletically gifted.   Of these people many play Chess or Dungeons and Dragons or the like, where they plot, and predict to defeat their adversary on the field of battle.  Sound familiar?  Men are different sure, but they all are slaves to their instinct and will go about it in the ways they are best capable.  So if you find yourself, bitching about your loved ones and the games they play just be thankful you’re not in a society where those games aren’t warranted for your loved ones at least will be coming back alive.

I also guarantee that if you take a group of people of similar size and athletic ability and give them a game to play, that they will have the time of their lives.   It might not be a pretty to watch but that’s not the point.  If this sounds sexist oh well.  I see a lot of women sports too and if you’re not playing, you’re either fawning over the warriors or kissing boo boos.  What about the whole “nesting” thing and shopping? Yes, the table can be turned.  If you’re still too (insert nonconformist click) to think sports are ok.  Well, athletes do drugs too if that’s helps.  Also, I’d kick your ass in Chess, Stratego, or Risk and I have a 2^ND Edition Druid or a 3^rd edition fighter/mage that would ruin you. Four eyed bitch.

If you are just a concerned, or jealous girlfriend, you should stop being a self fish and or insecure and see the brighter side.  Yeah, sure there are no-lives that get carried away and spend way too much time involved yet there are many who just want to watch their team, or be left alone on Sunday.  How is this a good thing?  Any proper and manipulating woman with half a brain knows these things already, but I will enlighten you.

First, and most obvious, Bargaining chip.   “Sure I will leave you alone all Sunday, I will even pick you up from the bar IF…….”  You offer a day of football, with no tasks, calls for attention, no complaining, you will be surprised what that will get you.

If you actually take interest, you can play it like sex.  I know women in some relationships use sex as a reward, (If it were me and I had to do shit for it, well there would not  be a relationship)  You can play it off that you are joining him to keep him company and have y0ur wings and eat them to.

Thirdly, if you don’t really care for it, but you help him root for his team, and stay deathly quiet when things don’t go well he should appreciate that immensely. It can be something you do together, there just isn’t as much talking.  Very little in fact.  Think of it as quiet time, like if you were going to Church together.   He just prays to the T.V and mumbles swear words instead of church music.

On a side note regarding football over morning sex: There are seven days in a week.  But only one is Sunday.  There is one choice for the animal and one choice for the civilized man.  The civilized man knows there will be other mornings, but only two Redskin/Giant games a year.

Originally Posted 7/13/09