Now I propose our typical human arrogance might have let the real reason slip by.    We tend to, in general refuse that our short comings exist by hiding behind  societies scientific advancement of which  mutation exceeds what mother nature has in store for the flesh and blood individual.

This includes what’s going on in our little heads.   In simpler cultures, simpler times where options (for everything) and the amount of information provided from the environment are limited, it’s fine to hit puberty running and start breeding like many of our furry mammal cousins.

This is not so in affluent modern societies where the individual faces a bombardment of not only biological and synthetic physical matter but the dynamic influx of events and influences toying with our emotions.

Plainly said,  The cultures where there are less options and influences are the same cultures that marry and breed earlier.    And it works just fine.    Yet, such is not the case in more modern, fluid, transient, info saturated cultures.   The places where the Perpetual Bachelors usually emerge from.

What am I getting at?    Emotional maturity.   In such busy bee societies people worry a little about those who marry young.  The news of young couples always tend to raise a few eye brows and nervous grins.   In addition, that “too early” age seems to be getting higher and higher every decade.

Meanwhile in other societies it’s the reverse because unlike the former’s necessity for one to be emotionally responsive to more dynamic surrounding, the latter’s surroundings simply don’t call for it.

Therefore it is impossible to compare the 1950′s with the 1990′s or with good country living to metropolitan life.

There’s no way, even without the wanderlust, could I see myself getting married in my 20′s.    No way.   It’s like trying to sip your pina colada in a wave pool.

Now,  we are not evolving to the point where like praying mantises or cicadas  spreading our genes is the last productive thing we do. (though it may often feel like it)  As much as we like to point out our cultural differences we fail to accept them as logical causations for other radical and often ignorant accusations assumed to be the fault of differences in culture.

Ok, so now what?   Well, nothing.   The transient, affluent, hipsters of the world  have already recognized that in their microcosm the species develops  not any better, but more complex and at a slower rate.

Am I saying they are emotionally more mature in general.   No, not really.  But I am saying when subjected to  a greater amount of external stimuli from ones environment one must have a higher level emotional maturity to have successful relationships.

Dating a bipolar bear.  My 100% unprofessional an non-clinical opinion…as if that ever stopped me before, yet unlike most of them real life shrinks I’m actually a bit of a nut job.   Kinda like a horse that can talk. Let’s just skip the middle man.

So I assume we all have heard about a co-dependent relationship and their pit falls.  Usually it is referring to drug addicts but can also be the same with minor short circuitry.   Bi polar bears are much like pit bulls.  You put two together, they are either gonna fight or ….make real nice.

Why the later?  Because it’s rare that someone can relate to them on those specific and extremely personal issues.  That quickly makes that person more attractive and in many ways a logical mate.  They understand.  But do they really?  Do they fully?  Are they too caught up in their own crap to be any used to you despite the intimate camaraderie in craziness?

Sometimes it seems like a great way to get over ones issues or help cope with them is to help one more screwed up than you are.   You’re not as hopeless or useless.  You’re now working in the same world with someone else and your knowledge is recognized.   All this time you haven’t been trying to communicate to the world through indecipherable scribbles.  The world just didn’t know how to read it.   There’s no guilt or inferiority complex because you are both similarly flawed.

Here’s the trouble.  One may put up with all sorts of crap and see what they want to see just so they can have that feeling of usefulness.  Others want to hold on to that stability for a while.  Want a crutch.  Want an instant fix.  One if not both parties involved may begin to use and manipulate the other.   It’s just too much baggage for a relationship to deal with especially when those dealing with their own problems get slammed on the head with the others screw ball crap.   These are to be match box relationships.  A hot, hot flare and let it burn out.  An attempt at a long-term gig…like Chernobyl.  The fall out is toxic and lingering.

Now the fight part usually begins when you notice personality traits you can’t stand in someone.  You don’t know the real reason you can’t stand them but in time you may realize that either  it’s because you have or had the same annoying  traits or you sniffed out crazy and it’s depressing  and frustrating to be around.

I found myself smiling like an idiot while brushing up on my clinical knowledge of bi-polar characteristics.  It comes to a point where that stuff becomes elementary yet worth a review and reassessment.   Over time one forgets how they fashioned their lives around their condition.  It’s a marvel to realize that such choices become automatic and how ones troubles are usually due to a straying from those internalized rules.  Yes, feel free to assume I’ve had my issues, if you haven’t already long ago. (I can hear your snickering from here)  “S.A.D” for those who remember psych 101.  I’m like the only pun in the text book. Fitting though.

Those fortunate to learn to manage the various short circuits one may have in their heads develop an enhanced ability to decipher their own feelings.  As a blind persons hearing adjusts one with a bi polar disorder or depression issues may eventually be much more aware of their feelings and the causes behind them than the average person.

Of course that is a sugar coating found with those fully functional and educated on their condition and even when this is the case repercussions of a disorder still must be dealt with for most realizations are made retrospectively, usually just in time to prevent any real damage.

You can’t help but to still be a little “off,” but at the same time those who aren’t a bit “off” begin to seem insane or mundane, hard to explain.  I’ll stop. Any who…(yep, any who) this development that keeps one from conflicting with themselves causes friction between them and the outside world.

Deep down inside no one like to feel like they are flawed and with an intuition honed out of necessity to be more responsive to how one is feeling, their surroundings and the feelings of others, animosity towards the average comparatively insensitive individual can flourish since the “flawed” are rarely fully understood by that average person.

A health nut forced into the life style for some reason may have a little more distain for the over weight while a trust fund baby tends to have less understanding or empathy for the poor.  Those who have been places in their heads fear and loath the judgments of others and this may be one reason why it’s so hard for many to find help. Now imagine that they don’t know what’s wrong with them, which is basically always the case, at least the first time.  Pretty shitty.  It’s not like a broken arm or a limp. People do not readily empathize.

With that said I suppose examples or at least a few metaphors are in order. As I said in the beginning, I was smiling like an idiot.  I returned from vacation with an odd case of jet lag.   I would bound between bouts of joy and sadness as if on a trampoline.  Now after dealing with a depression disorder as a young man and for the most part conquering my demons I eventually realize that at some point I got on the roller coaster again and in a sick way can find amusement in it all.  Got to stop and be your own shrink. What am I feeling? Why am I feeling? What if anything should be done?

Most of all one wants to assess the situation to learn what the trigger may have been but before I choose whether or not to get into that I want to go back I and illustrate what I meant by fashioning your life around the condition.  Shit, I’m known to be a little bit of an eccentric and have my own methodical madness, but these adjustments are beside all that which pretty much makes for a character. I don’t mean to sound narcissistic or self abusive it is what it is.

For me, weather was a major player so I turn and bend that growing stalk that is my life toward the sunlight.  I ate well and began working out not because I was a competitive person or for the sakes of vanity, but because they brought with them natural endorphins, a healthier endocrine system and enhanced self esteem.  After learning slowly to show myself compassion I became more likely to show such compassion to others.  Then adversely show a much greater distain for those lacking in compassion.  One develops crutches, some try using people, thankfully I don’t think I did much of that in the sense one may think, but boy was I guilty of it in another way.

Sometimes some latch onto a safety blanket.  A hobby, a pet, an inanimate object can become the guard rail or pillar of ones turbulent inner world.

You’ve seen the cases where those mentally ill or deficient would just open up or have their keel evened with the aid of animal assisted therapy or your idiot savants gifted in whatever they find as a point of stability.  As for me, writing, animals and some “destructive” habits kept me a cool cucumber.

I doted over my fish and still do over my cat. One gets conditioned by the world and as sad as it sounds when confronted with stress I would take a pen, notebook and my cat before another human being.  I would love to have my old fish tank.  “Normal” people don’t understand why the troubled do the things they do and just throw it in as just a characteristic of being mentally challenged or ill.

When, if they could tell you, they might say that they could find more empathy in the eyes of a stray dog than they could in another person.  My 45 gallon hexagon fish tank that I took on a two day move down the east coast of the U.S sounds insane to most but to me it meant stability.  My cat I raised from a bottle and my library of scribbles was the earth, sun and sky.  My jewels in a world found unsatisfactory.  Of course this sounds nutty.  But it is what it is.

I will never work in a cubical, only outside or by large windows.  I love teaching because of the openness of youth.  Adult minds can grow stagnant, unmalleable and unimaginative.  Whatever agent of creation there may be we risk growing away from it as we mature.  That God, collective unconsciousness, or what ever universal truth is more one with the damaged, children or animal kind and it’s mans individual challenge to keep as close as they can to it through their lives.  I like to surround myself with things that remind me of such. (besides all the scientifically proven biological benefits for my condition that just happen to coincide, but the first part sounds so much more profound no?)

I have been there and back. Experienced so many things just with in my head that I could only be awed in what could possible be going on in someone else’s head.  But being “there” (I’m in a big quoting mood today”) and back, for me it’s like being a three dimensional ball in a linear world.  I see those who suffer within their skull and people walking by or feebly knocking upon the door I myself have been behind.  It’s a trip.

Last thing one wants to admit is that what ever short circuitry they suffer from or the solutions for the malfunction changes them, takes them over.  That’s why many refuse to take medication and it takes a rock bottom event to get them on it.  Many secretly are jonesing to get off whatever stuff they were prescribed and once they begin to feel better they stop, there’s a sudden relapse and some unfortunate things sometimes happen. And everyone is “surprised”.

Now, I don’t think I could tell you what or who I would be.  I was a broken kid when I had to make the adjustments and I was flawed long before realizations were made.  What I can tell you is that there have been many positive outcomes and mutations do to my condition and for all intensive purposes I am what I am and the only thing I could ever be.  Between hereditary and environment and the fact that our biological systems and subconscious still call most of the shots you’re all just as crazy as me, but you don’t know it, which makes you crazier than I.  The fact that I am pretty tuned into my insanity makes the average person merely meandering their lives blindly away far crazier than I am.  But that’s ok, I understand.

Now, I hinted lightly upon how such things could change the landscape of interpersonal relationships. Sorry for the prelude but I believe it’s necessary for the following installment to be understood clearly.

Dating with a Bi Polar disorder..I’m not even sure you’re even supposed to do that.   Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “ups and down in a relationship.”  But we will talk about that next time.  Same Bat time Same Bat Channel.

One Night Stand Etiquette

Before I go on to answer this challenge, I must make clear that being the virtuous fellow I am the following may entirely be based from presumption.   So let ya be learned yeah?

Let’s begin with the just dont’s.

If you have an infectious rash or flesh-eating disease.  (Nor if you carry any transmittable STD’s  or think you may have symptoms.  If you have to be told that you are indeed a grade A asshole….huge asshole, like I’m trying to clean up my language but still must emphasize, scumbag asshole.)

If you have a violent, significant other or stalker that follows you around.  Do not use someone to get someone else jealous or set them up to be attacked.  That’s what crazy trashy people do.   To be judgemental, yes.

If you are smarting from some other rocky or ended relationship and there is a greater than 25% that  you’re gonna start crying at some point, do not pass go and do not collect da booty.

Ok, so now we have a set of basically harmless, emotionally sound people.  I think a cliché’ “Do & Don’t” list is called for.

Don’t

• Refuse to wear a condom or ask someone not to use one.
• Don’t wait till the last possible minute to tell someone you’re on your period.  That info should be mentioned before heading anywhere and not saying anything and destroying a mans sheets, well  that’s just dirty on so many levels.
• Hickys, bite marks and scratches are very inconsiderate.   You may not know where he or she works or whom they are seeing.   You also beg to be gossiped about.   You want some dudes friends all calling you “Wolverine” or have to go to work in a turtleneck?
• Do not take anything with you.  Even if they loan you cloths while in their home.  If it is a necessity to take them, ask if there is a way you can return the clothing.
• Don’t disappear while they are asleep.   Even writing a note is pretty weak. Unless it’s a flattering, super sexy note.   For the most part be an adult and face the admirable farewell.
• Don’t linger.  Rise with the house.  Follow their lead and when they start getting dressed that’s your cue.  If they offer breakfast accept if you wish then shortly after make for the road.   You should know by then if you’re gonna end up staying the afternoon or not.
• Don’t bother if you are in risk of having whiskey or coke %&$#.   They didn’t take you where ever for your lame ass excuses and apologies.
• If a girl changes her mind, that’s her prerogative.  She is a bit of  a jerk and total cock tease but the dudes a bigger jerk if he flips out.  A man should keep their cool, never look desperate and make them second guess and regret their decision.   Yet ladies, you really should have you’re mind made up with how far you’re willing to go before you venture off.
• Don’t be one way.  To take and not at least try to give…they probably should bad mouth you.
• No porn star crap unless it’s asked for.  You know what I mean.

Do‘s

• One should have some basic stuff in the home for any guest not just the really unexpected ones.   Contact lenses case and solution, toothbrushes, some various sized comfortable clothing.   Condoms.  Having to run around for rubbers in the wee hours of the morning is a total tacky buzz kill.  Be a big boy or girl and be prepared.  They have pretty long shelf lives.   A bottle of red, a bottle of white, and a few brewskis are usually a good thing to have around as well.
• Always offer water. It’s polite and you’ll hopefully need lots of it.
• Offer a shower and a clean towel, before or after but at some point.
• Offer breakfast.  Unless you just HAVE to get away and get them out.  But you know a few eggs ain’t exactly a wedding proposal.  Besides it gives you a few more minutes to try to figure out their names.
• Make it clear one way or another that nothing may result from the drunken collision BEFORE it happens.
• Make sure you have at least a clue of who they are and not end up nailing the boss’s,  your friends, or some pimps property.

There you have it. If I lacked  moral fiber and partook in such animalistic behavior I’d like to think that that’s a solid guideline.

The PB’s response to this of course starts with a question.  What business does say, Vegetarian Weekly have writing a three page feature on “Cooking the Perfect Steak”?  It doesn’t mean the writers don’t like steak yet such an article invites a justifiable question of credibility.

Two issues make this essay uncomfortable is that I loathe using myself as a subject and I will continue to dance around that.  Nor, do I like putting myself in the situation where I may be pulling things out of my butt.  Another thing to be taken in consideration is when talking about relationships articles are forced to come primarily from personal experience than observation unlike the dating scene therefore it much more insensitive towards the feelings of those whom were in relationships with the writer.  For that reason I long ago decided I wouldn’t go there very much and nor will I in the future.

Now will that all said I will do my best to appease my readership and to start to point out that it may very well be them and not you.   Perhaps the gentleman does not find it honorable to bring on a wife and or kids when unable to afford financially what he feels they deserve.  Maybe he feels it would be ethically irresponsible to bring more children into an over crowed world.   He could have a nasty terminal and or genetic condition that will eventually rip a family apart and doesn’t have the heart to put someone through it.

All too often people take others personal choices or points of view as a personal critic upon oneself and fail to realize that they can’t truly understand another until they except that it isn’t about them but about someone else.  One may think it to be obvious, but we all do it, all the time.

Now a relationship is something you trade for.  You trade independence, simplicity and a certain amount a freedom for responsibility and vulnerability.   Therefore it better be worth it.   Mama’s boys, male chauvinists and those slaves to the status quo have no issue jumping into relationship after relationship while the fiercely independent, idealists and helpless romantics are less likely to follow suit.

A relationship should not be pursued because one wants to have children or fulfill some set of expectations.  Nor to have someone take care of you or have someone to take care of.  Not even because you’re afraid of dying alone.

Yet, many seem cool with that.  Many don’t mind marrying rich or being married to because they’re rich. Because they’re hot, good in bed, they need you, whatever’s clever for this is after all the Perpetual Bachelor not perpetual boyfriend, perpetual husband, perpetual man who has given up on life…kidddddinggggg.   Yet, I can still point out what many of us see through observation and don’t want.

A partner should be a soundboard not a verbal punching bag.

One should not find themselves having to hide from the other.

It should be teamwork not a separation of duty.

A partner should not have to be fixed or broken in.

One should not have to worry about having someone to occupy their other when going out together.

The terms “sex night” and “Birthday BJ” is two of the most horrible things I have heard in my life.

Back talking kids, partners with illogical expectations, violence, deceit, divorce,

Minivans, pleated khakis, golf shirts with “Douche bag” already embroidered on them.

Do we see nice stuff?  Sure.

Kids, vacation photos, possibility of steady sex,

Someone to have your back, help you clean, hear you out, accept you and all your disgusting shit.

So to summarize, I don’t think one way or the other about relationships.  When I see a good one I think it’s very nice and figure I could do something like that and when I see something I don’t like I thank the powers that be that  I’m single.    It’s not a situation where it’s “You haven’t tried pizza?” it’s more like “You haven’t tried raw clams?”  Sometimes you might be allergic to that type of clam or they may have been sitting out too long.   Relationships are not a safe bet and one should not be judged for not looking for one anymore that they should for looking for one.

Those who find m view objectionable may ask, “does the PB have baggage?” Bah, who doesn’t at least carry a phanny pack?  Yet never has it affected my objectivity… has it affected yours?

Aristotle claims man to be a social animal with a natural affinity for friendship and community.  Giving us a little too much credit.  Thomas Hobbes, is a little on the pessimistic side and felt that man, a self involved, individualistic creature, finds society to be merely a convenient way to get what he wants and keep it.

The reason behind sport lies between the two.   There was a time when men began to band together for such things as protection and the mixing of genes.   Men poorly designed and vulnerable to their environment had to be constantly plotting, predicting, confronting, adapting to and conquering the adversities of the unknown that stemmed from the natural world.   That type of behavior is what makes one Human. Everything else is just basic life function.

In today’s society, the natural world hardly exists.  Yet there is still the underlining need for men to be men in a world designed for automatons.   Ones job and ones marriage and family are just fulfilling some of those animalistic life functions that every living creature does to exist.

The same reasons children knock each other around are the same reasons fuzzy little puppies; kittens and cubs knock each other around.   No, you do not see a bunch of grizzlies practicing a play action pass. (And we should worry if we do) but the natural world has not been removed from them.  Society might not have the need for each man to use his instincts.  But his instincts need society to provide an outlet.

Today, there are more Monday morning chieftains than warriors to take the field but the war paint, tribal colors, the allegiances are as ever alive.  We plot and discuss, question and strategize, we form the tribal bonds of what we now call teams.   We defend “our home.”   We compete to win or lose. We do this all because it is what put us here on top of the food chain.

Many say sports are stupid, and that they don’t understand the purpose behind the game or the behavior of the fans.  Some of these are a little more feminine and prefer baking and potpourri.  Many have been roughed up by some dumb jock when they were 13 so decided to take it out on an entire social institution.   Most just are not athletically gifted.   Of these people many play Chess or Dungeons and Dragons or the like, where they plot, and predict to defeat their adversary on the field of battle.  Sound familiar?  Men are different sure, but they all are slaves to their instinct and will go about it in the ways they are best capable.  So if you find yourself, bitching about your loved ones and the games they play just be thankful you’re not in a society where those games aren’t warranted for your loved ones at least will be coming back alive.

I also guarantee that if you take a group of people of similar size and athletic ability and give them a game to play, that they will have the time of their lives.   It might not be a pretty to watch but that’s not the point.  If this sounds sexist oh well.  I see a lot of women sports too and if you’re not playing, you’re either fawning over the warriors or kissing boo boos.  What about the whole “nesting” thing and shopping? Yes, the table can be turned.  If you’re still too (insert nonconformist click) to think sports are ok.  Well, athletes do drugs too if that’s helps.  Also, I’d kick your ass in Chess, Stratego, or Risk and I have a 2^ND Edition Druid or a 3^rd edition fighter/mage that would ruin you. Four eyed bitch.

If you are just a concerned, or jealous girlfriend, you should stop being a self fish and or insecure and see the brighter side.  Yeah, sure there are no-lives that get carried away and spend way too much time involved yet there are many who just want to watch their team, or be left alone on Sunday.  How is this a good thing?  Any proper and manipulating woman with half a brain knows these things already, but I will enlighten you.

First, and most obvious, Bargaining chip.   “Sure I will leave you alone all Sunday, I will even pick you up from the bar IF…….”  You offer a day of football, with no tasks, calls for attention, no complaining, you will be surprised what that will get you.

If you actually take interest, you can play it like sex.  I know women in some relationships use sex as a reward, (If it were me and I had to do shit for it, well there would not  be a relationship)  You can play it off that you are joining him to keep him company and have y0ur wings and eat them to.

Thirdly, if you don’t really care for it, but you help him root for his team, and stay deathly quiet when things don’t go well he should appreciate that immensely. It can be something you do together, there just isn’t as much talking.  Very little in fact.  Think of it as quiet time, like if you were going to Church together.   He just prays to the T.V and mumbles swear words instead of church music.

On a side note regarding football over morning sex: There are seven days in a week.  But only one is Sunday.  There is one choice for the animal and one choice for the civilized man.  The civilized man knows there will be other mornings, but only two Redskin/Giant games a year.

Originally Posted 7/13/09

How can this be?  Well to dismiss generalizations of human character would be to insult mans ability to classify and find congruencies.    A vast body of scientific knowledge may disagree with the ideal of unique individualism.

At the same time we know that we’re different, that we are indeed special.  But to what extent and how much control do we have over it?   Are we closer to a fully conscious sentient being or a meat sack running on a biological program?

Weather our ego can handle it or not we all unknowingly give off messages fitting of stereotypes and unconsciously look for them in others.  Girl:  “At first I though he was just a (adjective) (generalization) (stereotype), but once I got to know him he yada yada.”

He was and is those things but the girl took the time to interact with the boy and more importantly the boy had disarmed himself a little bit.    The superego gives way to the more conscious ego when you “get to know someone”.     That’s why it is fool heady to go by such things but it is equally as stupid to ignore them.   It’s as if we were all onions and every other level was generic while the alternating layers are wonderfully unique.

Yet, what if he was a pathological liar or the woman was in a bad mood.  What if they were in a refugee camp for the last three months and neither have had an appropriate amount of food or water?

What if they were in the arctic and have not seen sunlight in six months?  What if one of them was gay or found vey unattractive by the other?   What is truly taking precedence when it comes to controlling how we each allow ourselves to perceive others and be perceived?

The external influences now become their own vast, unique ever changing universe that continually collides with that one in ones mind or soul.   As universes collide and give off a spectrum shall we feel victimized by the colors other may see or accepted it all as a state of being neither solid nor permanent?

Now with this collision come questions.

Mans failure to curb the murder and exploitation of their kind in the face of all our collective scientific discovery brings up two important questions

Has human society advanced too far for the average persons mind that we find ourselves reverting to behavior based on basic instinct to simplify and find a stable enclosure for ones inner universe?

Have we as a society shot up at such an incline that we as individuals cannot handle the gravity and are as a whole bound to complete the bell curve with an identically steep fall?

The animal kingdom has proven to show malice, compassion, and choice.  We are not alone in being sentient or emotional.  In fact many things we consider to be “human” could be more accurately categorized as biological programming for the benefit of species survival than some mystical choice of the soul.

Yet, we do have religion don’t we.  Yes the religious creature and in the worship of these dogmas it finds a true human characteristic, irony.   Religion as a concept is a good thing.  Takes the complicated and makes it simple.  Religion sets a guideline and reasons for such guidelines when minds are unfortunately too simple to grasp the true reasons for such rules.   Finally and most importantly it is like baseball and the various superstitions players have.  Sometimes the game is just plainly easier when you believe your dirty socks are making you hit the ball better.

The only problem is that irony thing.   We know that ironically we tend to kill each other over these religions even though the basic premise of these beliefs is that we should not do such things.  What is the virus that slips into the membrane of ones spiritual beliefs and makes it cancerous?

Logically these deities would have long ago abandoned their divisive and destructive little ant colonies.  Spirituality is not like food, land or genetic variety.  There is no natural competition present there.  Of course one can see the use for it as a form of social control and a siphon of power for the ambitious but what makes others follow along when words and actions are so blatantly at odds?

Maybe the same analytical drive to categorize that drove our curiosity and therefore our society is also a basic instinct.   We will never cease to find differences and where we can’t find them, create them.  That is fine though, makes the world a colorful place.

But the violence?   Why is mans bottom line warfare and violence even when there is no natural cause?

Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which is a widely accepted theory states human needs to be of the following: Physiological, Safety, Love/Affection, Esteem and self actualization.  I will so brazenly simplify further to break it down eight personal urges; eat, compete, mate and dominate. Nurture, procreate, learn and communicate.  I do roll in all the in and outs of the human body into “eat” for the sakes of bad poetry and do indeed differentiate between mating and procreating.

Now from these I find all human actions are delivered and may also be the shelters we climb into to shield from the collision between the two worlds.   If one thinks about it, most disorders physical, mental or social is by definition a failure to or overindulgence of one of the above.

I now bring back the possibility of those colliding universes and the individual’s response to hide from the collision within basic instinct.    Are the ambitious also driven by the basic instinct to dominate and or destroy perceived competition?

Why do religious leaders past and present find the existence of another religion that much of a threat to justifying killing people in mass?   Would perpetuating violence truly increase one individual’s quality of life to such a point where blood shed was logical?  Are any of the above needs at risk?  Historical record and sheer logic say no.   So why do it, especially when the books that give one their power say otherwise?  One may gain a higher position here or there but there are no real gains to be made or threats to be thwarted.

Modern politics is another example of where logic may have fallen to basic instinct or an imbalance there of.

In the United States and various places around the world you have entities that fight venomously against the basic values of a healthy society.   They push for brutally anti social behavior and policies when the perceived threat to them doesn’t exist to the magnitude they portray if they even exist at all.  Those whose all biological, psychological and social needs are taken care of still have a drive to oppress others when there is relatively little to lose or gain from it.     Again, why? Why do these leaders in the face of human progress behave so and what drives some people to follow them?

It can be understood, the human instinct to simplify in the sakes of learning, to compete, ok……but to simplify morality, oppress and exploit needlessly?

The followers of such people simplify and judge matters with a leaning toward a dominance instinct but  within the masses the primary basic instinct is fear and they are continuously making decisions on their social ideals in a state of fight or flight.

Those who take the collision of the universes and revert to the basic instinct of domination seem to be followed by those who revert to the instinct of fear both leading to blind and antisocial behavior.  The combination is far more efficient as a causation of change than any combination of the more passive qualities of human basic instinct.

Together the havoc they reek, this solid slab of action in reality will be then visually soften by less concrete action or rhetoric to keep the individuals very controlling and dominant ID out of conflict with the EGO and hidden behind the super ego.

A simple example is going to Church, saying something patriotic, meanwhile ones actions are nothing but the opposite.

A more complex example would be the pro life lobby of which the gross majority of the group has voting records unfriendly to institutions involving social well being.   One could easily classify this group as a group of people blind to the human condition trying to compensate for what is otherwise an unethical mind set.

Of course that is oversimplifying each individual, yet, isn’t that what we ask for en mass when we affiliate with large groups”?  Can we try to claim benefit of the doubt due to individualism when perpetuating the identity shared by a group?

It’s incredibly hard to judge when a person’s capability to show that inner onion is marginalized by civil society.  The voting booth, psychological testing or a wealth of observed personal interaction would be the only hints for us to have an accurate shot to guessing what is going on in an individual.  But that’s when generalizations, communication theory and the school of psychology come in I suppose.  Yet, the point remains.  The actions of little consequence in relation to meaningful decision making  (ie. Going to a religious service and dropping a few bucks in the bucket  then voting to cut aid to the poor) is congruent  (as far as predicting ones personal make up)  with ones  stereotype/superego and ego.

What is disturbing is that in popular fiction through out human society those whose actions root primarily from self interest, dominance, and fear are considered to be the bad guys; to be evil.  Yet, in the real world such people are handed power and when push comes to shove they are often handled gently in some quasi politically correct manner which only encourages and sometimes emblazons the anti social behavior.

Furthermore, one has to bring up the question that debates whether mankind is either inherently good or evil.   For how many anecdotes and sayings do we have involving one showing what they truly are made of when pressed?   Perhaps we are all always being pressed by the collision between this rapidly developing man made world and our own amazing little brains and we should be more sensitive to peoples actions and call it as it is.

What basic instincts do we revert to when making our decisions on how each of us will impact the world?  Are they good? Are they Evil?  Perhaps the whole story for warning Armageddon was much like the New Testaments parables; a message in a story.   Maybe we each have an angle and/or a demon with in us and the struggle between those who have decided is the ongoing conflict that will decide the fate of the species.

You’ve been lost

Obscured by clouds

Under the rain

Stuck in dry dessert

I’ve been there with you

Even when I hardly knew

What was in the mirror

I love you, what you do

How could I not,

It’s what I choose

The songs you play

Forget the miseries

Make them new each day

The present pleasant memories

When you have been hurt

When you have been weak

When you have had to beat yourself down

To begin to build it all back up

It’s just a splash on that mural of what you are

Forget the names

Material hooks

That drag you down

Painful memories,

What if’s

And meaningless to be’s

Everything is simply what is

And you are

And I love it

You’re the beginning and the end

What we have done to ourselves.

No need for meditation for you find peace in their eyes,

A secret source of serenity where your love lies.

To spend time with one whom you adore, makes you feel the thief

Adored are the things you always wished one would adore

You feel the sort of things once discarded as romantic lore

Typical destinies lead you to question the con

Isn’t that just the curse of desire

Walking in your life keeping the soul a fire

It’s a double down die hard sin to logic

And you’ll know it will break your heart if they deny it

Power tripping will put you on your face

Pushing pace will just risk disgrace

It’s hard to manage the breaks

When you’re racing against separate fates.

Sitting here, my room warm with or without

But don’t let me get used to this weather,

For all addictions do begin to wane.

You bring clouds to my mornings

Begins to rain with a spiteful scowl

This jungle of yours is for animals,

Not right for this beast

And beauty is no excuse

For where we espy heaven you bring hell.

To improve

What am I to do

To remain worthy of you?

How will I emerge?

Find some steady ground to live

And still stay safely near belligerence?

Down to returning bottles

Fearing my credit and without my ride

Police too thirsty for quotas today

Not safe to take mine

The hermit with no shell

They are already full

Or I continually fail to fit

Bravery is only to ease the mind

When on the tight rope well aware of the drop

But bravery does not make you any smarter

Or any less venerable.

Is it brave to go it alone

Or stupidity to carry the extra burden?

I suppose I could list the women whom the muse had used

Mauled the ones who used in return

And little ole’ me in the middle feeling the expanse of circumstance

The illusion of reality

The falsehood of possibility

Will I always be a bitter slave?

There is no quit, but only submit

And they’re all lies

Eyes, poetic brides

Tis the work of a fool

Bounded by the boundless description of hinder like tales of suffering.

A queen to pardon his mortal sins

To rest his head

Take to bed

And demand the same from him

To demand and be demanded

One enchanting to the peasant

But also dependable and welcome as spring

To a would be king.

At times I look back to blissful blindness.

Not that I wish for such a regression

That steed I could never quite tame nor train

Was  found ever charging into folly

No, loneliness be but another abstraction

no more nor less than the courtesans in one’s life.

Those who take, receive

perhaps partnered in loss or bounty.

It’s no more task or tarry to maintain oneself

than to engage in custom codependency

Biology, the mother of all conundrums

Has her devious methods and all too often

We seek medications for the drugs

already within.

Never embracing the solace

nor the opportunity to conceive ones own composition

from which they are to compose

The trivial, tragedy, conflict and comedy

all can be spattered, still to be art.

But love, love?

That, if you wish no spattering

Unconscious strokes layered finely

In a bold yet mellowed hue

That, will take a tempered hand,

a steady gaze

A soul that knows solace.

What will it take to attain your presence?

Bend saplings like a bear

Scribe things worthy of Voltaire

Strike a pose

Bare a cross

With roses fill the air

A hint of your tastes

A taste of your whims

a demand

allusion

your abhorred and favored sins

Surrender than impair

Coy births fools

Silence kills

keep I not on the blind dare

but to pursue with care

Than just sitting in want on my derriere.

Games are forgotten fables

and your past historic lore

The horizon a mission

and sentiment becomes law

When joy is in a complexion

and found in your reflection

Your worthiness you question

and pure is your intension

Ones mind is not blank

nor diluted or ill

You know a sound structure

You know pit from hill

Fears do not protest

Scars do not tingle

vanity subsides

to a bashful trickle

Humble are your words and lust, a subtle pulse

It’s all bread, breath, water and sun

The sinless apparition

of ever wanting none

Walls dissipate than close

with a farmers faith

in what he sows

Not a smile forced

Caress mistaken

A tongue held

A kiss barren

No questions of if

or wonders of why

Whens been answered

When is nigh

Sometimes you just have to appreciate it.

Live band blends into the rumble of a crowed pub.

Sometimes you just have to look up.

Even the most crowded turnpike still has sky.

Despite how hazy there is a vast beyond.

The funeral pyre always has its flame,

And in turn the clouds share their rain.

Many deserts shortly flower,

And with the same desolation my life has you.

But we all forget to look up

From the dull gravel at the feet before us.

Too distracted by the pot holes

Failing to realize what it was

That has kept one from falling flat.

But when I do,

I see you.

With dark hair laced over your face

I watch eyes from shadow pulling me from mine.

If not the sky or the ocean

The music amongst the dense crowd,

It is just what you do for me.

Sometimes you just have to look up

Just for a moment you may need to look up

And see me

It’s beautiful,

It’s beautiful

For me.

You wish to be within my breath

Without my arms around you

Even merely lovers cannot

Adjust to such a false truth

A mans vocation is what they are

What they do

So is the human bond, between two

What they are

What they do

The King never plays Prince

Nor the blacksmith, a horse

It’s a thing beyond nature

That one cannot force

Lovers are not like the moon they gaze upon

Or ocean sway

They are light, heat, the breeze

That either stays

Or fades away.

I can see it in your eyes

If there be lies

If there be pain

And the rain

And the hunger for shelter

If there be joy

If there be love

Or if the fire for me

Hast faded away

I can see it in your eyes.

Tell me what to wear

Pull at me with intimate nicknames

But still I step away

I placed it on the floor

and though you dance around it

It slowly disappears into the sand

And reappears in my chest

In which a step a day

Is farther away.

I cannot be debonair, because there is no romance with out you

I be silent, but not strong

More dark, less handsome

A knight, without the shine

Love is to sacrifice joyously, to hurt willingly, to yearn knowingly, to live selflessly,

all for but a shadow of a kiss.

I cannot be passion, for there is no flesh with out you,

A lover listless

A poet voiceless

A minstrel out of tune

Love is to nurture ones self, as the other, and the pair as a whole.

Love, is a state of being, not a feeling, not a goal

Love, is, if you know it, when you know it, if you accept it, if you fight for it,

if you choose it, if you lose it, worth it.

Fragile feminine fingers lost in the fray on my head

To spider climb the terrain

Slide down my back with a hint of passion

Trim, turbulent, tummy, supporting my head lost in the fray

To hold on and resist slumber

As fragile feminine fingers get lost in the fray

Lethargic, longing or lost in the fray

To retreat to as storms hover above

When one knows of a few safe places to stay

Whether weaken, in love or lost in the fray

Best to sail for safe harbor

in the presence of female company.

Women my age don’t care for poetry,

by the time the do, I’ll be old and bored with such,

When they be no longer worthy

Then and only then, will they pursuit this heart

Yearning for ballads of love.

I could not afford them as a youth

And I will not afford their egos then, anymore

Than they could afford the truth.

Love is innocent, and beauty fades,

So they’re left merely, a self-serving maid.

Absence

I miss her, and it’s a little not fair, dare

I say, to those in history who have had to

Lose, miss, listless days for their hearts

When soil and sea, balks at whatever

Technology or piece of mind

Promises to fill the spaces they create

Ever how short the time I may have had,

Justify the wrong to be without

Ways of saying things you won’t

Note, until you are displaced

Laced with a numbing salve of

Heart, hit lust solitude.

Absence,

A song of longing,

Of quiet gentle cords

Poured out slow along a cello

Covering skin in a nuke warm shower

Waiting for one to dry you off.

That fickle muse

She will beat me and bruise me

Tease me and taunt me

So I can sing of her darker side

She uses

Blindness and beauty

Lust and mercy

To keep me hooked on the golden line

Woman, you’re just another tool

Your mother never raised you to be so cruel

You’re just at the use of the muse

and she set you loose with the tools

to come and break my lonely heart.

Part II

Teenagers…bah

Unfortunate Love

Love would be a gift,

if only one, were for the taking

Each branded in creation

and bounded to a soul made perfect.

Then, love, fearless of let down

invulnerable to pain

no waste of time, nor breath, or passion

on one who is not you.

Let us be branded

for the one for each ever true,

and spare us the lessons

and the wrongs we may do

When two could be friends

wonderful friends,

is ruined by unfortunate love.

The future does not look bright for this one.

One should stop searching

for unconditional love

and learn to love in the first place.

It is not their tearing eyes

or the way their kisses caress,

It’s the smiles you bring

the comfort you provide

and the joy you share

in their happiness.

bleh.

Interweaving ribbons of night

Where dusk is dry

and the moon new,

Shallow velvet sky above

soft with stars

and dreams of love,

Wishing you upon the moment

as the earth turns

its eye to the cosmos.

The lonely call

of  night birds chime,

As the stillness and crickets

fall into rhyme.

Free your soul to earth’s breast

and raise your eyes

upon the skyline crest,

Say these words

with the last of light,

And one will dream

of thou tonight.

gag*

I’m usually good with words
But for you I find nothing but silence.
For your beauty mutes all sound
and sheds light on the darkness within.

So this is the crap those goth kids scribble in their books.

She is simply beautiful.

I know not her name

and perhaps don’t care to

Like a rose it’s much easier to admire,

than to risk getting pricked

in attempt to gather a scent,

and with calm, I can peacefully look on

as the sunset, as the ocean, as beauty.

No balls nor glory son.

She appears as if molded,
to a pinnacle of creation
Oddly love nor lust strikes me,
as if god had another intention.

In truth she is rather unsettling
an illusion of virtue,
no mans eye can miss
One fears what it does not know
and I know not a beauty such as this.

Where to start?  Her eyes, her skin
To admire this apex of being
is of no fault or sin
Uncorrupted – even amongst so many gifts,
which usually rot one from within.

This is the kid that would leave small puddles of drool on his desk. Wait..is that even a word??

Adorable,
especially is she.
From her little feet to the tip of her subtle nose
sunset hair and delicate fingers
all amongst villanously seductive the curvature.
Her visibly soft skin continuously blushing to a rose
though, a cold demeanor as if thorns
daring one to come near.
Yet, as she touches her kissable neck,
her grasping eyes attack
Pulling you in and your attention
to a perfect mouth and collective features
worthy of a masterpiece.

Can you say hormones?  Villianously..is a word…..kissable isn’t.

She’s slowly seeping into me

much like the sun

sinking into a vast troubled sea.

Still my heart beats a little weary

of harder times it has faced,

True it is, when it is said

pure feelings are not in haste.

And by the growth, it is meaningful

where roots are thicker than most

so with her compassion and willingness to understand,

she valiantly departs from her secure coast.

This one almost sounds like an actual poem.

Shivering girl

with a kiss

I’ll take your chill away.

Hold me,

and let my warmth soothe you

My hand cramps with pain

of hardships past and present

Though, you raise it to your lips

and heal with a kiss.

Powers of ghosts where touch

crosses the plane of spirit

A caress to make your spine shiver,

and a kiss to heal.

This kid might actually be getting some.

You are merely a gentle lady in appearance,

as delicate as any other,

though, a pillar of strength

a pillow at slumber,

and an extension of spine to your man.

To all the good women,

who cherish than exploit the vulnerability of man.

You are the strongest of sorts,

and more powerful than you know.

Uses poetry to kiss ass en mass. Clever.

That’s all from the babies…we shall see if they can progress from this mass of mush and slop.

There are so many things in this world that we “know” but don’t believe.  Weather we have to see it for our own eyes, protect our ego or through pure stubbornness there are things that we will not allow to be computed and absorbed by both the conscious and unconscious brain.

I am not alluding to any specific answer yet just merely curious what the average person would assume when faced with statements about unruly behavior when delivered with gender neutral words.

Some examples:

This person was totally groping my friend on the dance floor.

My friend goes out just to get laid.

I can’t believe that freak asked us for a threesome.

Did you hear that Sam cheated on Terry again?

Jamie was just seeing Avery because they were a good lay.

My friend was a drunken mess and like trashed the bathroom the other night.

Now, we know, “know” that these could easily go either way right?  Yet, I believe there’s a stigma that over flows from our collective history and from the present male dominated societies on to more civilized societies.  (That’s right I said more civilized. Get over it.)   Sure, I know we will accept the chance that the perpetrator in the above situations may have been female but I argue that we would not dare assume or guess it was a female.    So I ask that when it comes to such sleaziness everyone look back hard on their experiences and on what they have seen and heard.  Are those instances where the girl goes ape shit on the pub bouncer, takes two dudes home and has an impromptu rodeo while the hubby is away on business an aberration?  Is it usually guys that do all that stuff?

What’s the gender probability of cheating and infidelity? Flip a damn coin.  Tell you what, repercussions are almost the same.  But there is this underlining, even if it’s in pencil, idea of empowerment and entitlement.  The man loses on both sides.  He is a filthy cheater or is lacking in some way justifying the woman’s behavior.  Is that too far?  How often do you hear men come of with some excuse that lays blame on the other person? Sure, that’s debatable, but we generally blame our penis women don’t blame their libido.  From my experience women will admit that they cheated publically quicker than men. That could be for whatever reason but I just found that always strange considering the idea (possibly another false preconception) that women are more secretive about such things.

It is assumed that men have this shameless bravado about cheating yet when it comes down to it I have known more women cheaters then men and not one gender shows anymore bravado or shame than the other.  Ask yourself, who always brings up that question?  I can’t have a fair answer, never been on a date with a dude but can say I never had a dude ask me if I have cheated but have had a score of women asked me, refuse to believe my answer and then admit that they themselves had cheated in the past.  Now any man who had cheated before and brings up such things in conversation is a damn fool.  This all bring me to believe the scarlet letter is more like a subtle pink now a days.

Sexual Assault.  Yes I know, it’s for men to laugh off because there usually not much of a threat and we don’t necessarily feel violated, YET the tendency of inappropriate behavior do to sexual tension I would like to argue is also the same between the genders.

A man doing such things is a degenerate and is doing far more damage than the drunken chick doing what would be comparatively foreplay. This is understood.  Yet, as a man, I can say that we always can get away but I believe there have been situations where it would not have been able decline and remain unscathed.  Also, if one is groped you cannot leave the situation without looking bad especially if it’s a date and the woman is inebriated.  The safety of woman who presently has both hands on your junk in the middle of the bar is still somewhat your responsibility.  As a man you can’t complain about this type of shit, you have to have a sense of humor, YET, as far as perfect strangers grabbing, pinching, prodding, groping I have literally lost count. I’ve been violated by all ages, colors and creeds from parking lots to dance floors. Sometimes I may have been asking for it (actually no, but for argument sake) and sometimes I was just trying to leave work and go home.  You women, from my experience do this crap all the time.  I had started to feel as if I was being punished for a past life as a street pimp.  With that said I find it interesting it’s so nonchalant it’s damn near invisible to society.

All in all it’s kind of funny.  I could just pull their hands out and away and inform them that I wasn’t a male stripper than sit there with a stupid look on my face.  Yet, what is guy to do, berate the lady, make a seen at the bar because a few girls keep sneaking strokes on the sly.  I am just saying if women were the same size as men I would be carrying mace.

The cell phones too.  Remember the whole gag when camera phones came out and you always knew one asshole who would try to take shots under people skirts.  Women again have to bring this too to another level.  If there is a naked man and a cell phone in a ten foot radius there will be pictures taken.  Some try to be a little sneaky but most are completely shameless.  Like its no problem, perhaps we are to offer a few different angles.  Could you imagine what would happen with a new girl if you pick up your cell phone and started shooting away?

Such hypocrisy does not end there.  The questions ladies ask…all the same ones with out fail.  In fairness they are going come up eventually but they ask such things as if they are questions are just for men.   Have you cheated on anyone?  “No” “No? Really? I don’t believe you?”  Now, I am starting to think that this chick is already starting to build justifications to fuck me over.  Not really, we men are too stupid to be that judgmental. If we get to that question we know she is actually showing interest and she could confess to a gang band with a car of circus clown and most of us wouldn’t be phased.

“Are you player?”  I have had to reply, “Um, no and my name is …….. by the way.”  I could not imagine going up to some girl and asking if they were a slut or “Excuse me, would you say you were sexually promiscuous and or have slight tendencies towards deception?”

Now trade secret, men openly don’t know who is who with women.  We cannot tell the freaks from the prudes, pill poppers, lesbians or mentally unstable by merely looking at them or talking to them for a short time. Hell some of us have trouble telling if it’s a girl or boy.  We’re like fucking rhinoceroses. Can’t see shit but when we catch the right scent we charge.  We like to share our cockamamie (yes! I used cockamamie) theories and share our ignorance.  But women, ya’all got us down don’t cha?

There is so much shit women say that show they don’t believe that they are just as filthy as we men.  I could argue that they are worse, but I won’t.  I have known girls who have always gotten screwed over and I know men who have always gotten screwed over and you’ll never know by looking at them which is which.  People are people are people, random as fuck but still the same.

As we go along so does the age of the authors, therefore we are dealing with some puppy love here.  Stupid, stupid children.

First Poem

A wise man once said

desire was the root of suffering.

But if that were true

My desire for you

Would kill me.

Buddhist?  Hell of a title too.

Farewell Emptiness

Farewell emptiness

For I have found love.

To be whole again

As the child I once was.

Dude, you are child!

So Close

So close, yet so far away,

Why shall I be tortured this way?

What sin did I commit

to be punished this much?

I love her, I want her

but how could I tell her such?

I see her eyes, I speak with her

She’s always with in reach

Alas, a foul thing it is

for love you cannot teach.

If he was a bit older, I’d have a comment about vomiting.

Frozen

I can’t hide from the truth.

For my heart surely sees

That you withhold the soul

Made perfect for me.

Low expectations, childish intimidation

Births my fear of thee.

And so to pray

- for another day,

a time where you are for the taking

and I with fear forsaken.

As she listens sincerely

A quality scarcely found in the human eye,

And as sweet grin appears smoothly

I find myself frozen.

Gentle features, where her beauty only pales

In comparison with her spirit.

Grow some balls kid!

Words Being Better

I can’t hide from the truth.

For my heart surely sees

That you withhold the soul

Made perfect for me.

Low expectations, childish intimidation

Births my fear of thee.

And so to pray

- for another day,

a time where you are for the taking

and I with fear forsaken.

As she listens sincerely

A quality scarcely found in the human eye,

And as sweet grin appears smoothly

I find myself frozen.

Gentle features, where her beauty only pales

In comparison with her spirit.

Words being bet?….virgin.

Mouse

I start to see subtle signals, a rustle in the wind swept weeds,

My tail begins to flick and flicker, as you tease as you please

I have caught your movements now, eyes a bright and focused carefully.

Never mutter even a faint meow, waiting still so patiently

With in my claws the game will find its closing,

a move so swift from crouch to pounce.

Unless you are the merely toying, and I,

I am the wary mouse!

I am detecting brain development here, this kid went on to invent the prenuptial agreement.

Sunning

Sunning is how she feels

and love as water flows,

The calm stream within a fluid existence

of rumbling rivers and unpredictable shores,

To bathe in the current

and need no more to dream of an oasis.

Is this kid a fish?  Wait..lots of wet talk here…hmmm

That’s a good start.  Next time 13-31 will move out of the kiddie crap and on to lustful punk ass’s.

I never minded being second in line. I like watching the person going before me screw up. If I were to personify #2, I would say its patient. It knows everyone is watching #1, plotting even.  Meanwhile the deuce chills out, having beaten all but one, knows the wisdom found in defeat and still gets to claim to be the underdog. Everyone needs some time at #2. You become a man at #2. You learn the big game at #2. Everyone knows the great 1’s were previously 2’s.

Ok, yes, pointless….anyway.. .my beloved repeat offenders that return here for each posts will recall that I usually like to discuss things at a general level and do not like to get personal. (because it’s lame, narcissistic and inconsiderate to other parties involved) Yet, reading through some old things I found something that may have some sociological value and embarrass me totally. But you know what, I don’t know you, and I have no shame.

I have been writing since the age of 13. The easiest thing to write is all the world is sappy, gross, love poetry. If you have a soul, they are going squeeze out here and there. There has to be some sort of insight to get by looking at 20 years of a man’s life through his crappy love poetry. I find that type of stuff interesting; just wish it didn’t have to be me. Let’s just it considerate payback to all those who have been irked or insulted by my previous posts.

“13-31” will be the countdown to that corporate conspiracy we call Valentine’s Day. How do people develop emotionally on this topic? Do they ever learn anything? Any contributions are welcome and will be credited. Not, that I am afraid of standing alone expos….to tell you the truth all the works will be from a friend of mine…except the cool sounding angry ones…all the other stuff is this other guy I know.

Let me clarify.  The inbetweener is the person that comes in between break ups.   He/She brings people back together, how sweet.   Yet, more times than not the couple will break up again and everyone’s time was wasted.   The only reason they get back together is because someone’s ex is no longer pouting over them. In fact they are seeing someone new and they ain’t no slouch.    That’s when ego and insecurity jolts them to life and they crawl back with promises and declarations of love.   They are afraid of losing that person forever.  They wanted to bide their time until someone or something forced their hand or the person is just being egomaniacal and  at the very least subconsciously is seeking to serve their pride.  In any case it’s not a nice way to treat a romantic interest.

Before the inbetweener they might not have been taken back.  It takes the inbetweener to make that person forget about the hurt.  Make them feel good about themselves or frankly, sex them up and get their libido up and running again.

They are set to go and the returning ex drives on the road paved by another.   Unfortunately, it’s only paved so far and the relationship will once again start hitting all those same potholes.   One will wonder why they went running back and the other will wonder why they took them back.

Who’s to blame?  One could be considered a coward for taking the ex back but it’s hard to break those old attachments.  And when one is feeling good they easily confuse the new fuzzy feelings with old feelings and old people.   The ex, many of us have played this roll as well, you’re  panic stricken and all of the sudden you need that person back in your life.   Although a few days prior they were more or less a distant thought.   You feel like you have been brought to realize some grand epiphany but in time you admit, if they were that important it wouldn’t have taken an outside threat to bring you back to them.

Sometimes you got to think hard about letting go instead of wasting your time.  If someone has the chance to be happy with someone else and you sabotage that for selfish reasons one could question if you cared for that person at all.

The person with the choice to make is caught between old and new, a built home and a foundation.   This is where another favorite character comes in.  One of you, if not both of you become “the safe bet”    One comes running back because it safer with whomever than chancing being alone.   One takes the ex back for they are more familiar and therefore “safer”   It could also be more likely to be doomed, considering it failed once already.  Yet, that is all situational.   It could be the last chance with that person or you could shelf them for a little while longer.

With the inbetweener on the other hand, you don’t have as much foundation built to take the damage you may inflict by cutting them loose.  If it was that easy to take the ex back you probably should not have been dating anyone in the first place and did a major disservice to the other person who you hopefully unintentionally lead along.    It’s hard to get away from people, even if they were bad for you.  We all know this; the body’s practically chemically addicted to those we dated.   But, when the inbetweener is cut they may see you as whipped and weak, deceitful, and feel as if you used them.   You can’t blame them, you never gave them a fair chance and it will be hit and miss if you can convince that person to give you a shot if you end up changing your mind again.    Remember, you hurt them; things may have been circumstantial but you’re going to have a lot to prove.

As for the inbetweener themselves, you can’t beat yourself up, but it’s hard because everything was new, and the beautiful lights were on and twinkling. It was warm and….then someone shut off the lights.  It takes you a bit to feel you’re way out of the dark room and when you get out the lights in that room may never go on.  You may never know what happened.   Being caught in between is as it sounds, tough and uncomfortable.   You may have done nothing wrong.  You may have been perfect and as frustrating as is that still may not have been enough.   There’s little to be done but play out your hand and be prepared to have a straight flush and lose.

You may want to get angry with people, but it’s not worth it, who knows what is going on in their confused little heads, they might even have a kid together you don’t know about, who knows?

Be amicable, just don’t allow yourself to be continually used.   You most likely will be shut out because the ex doesn’t want you around, or the person doesn’t want their feelings continually confused. Yet one may try to get the best out of both worlds or keep you on stand by and that’s not fair to you.  It  would only let wounds that should have healed quickly fester.   At least others want to use you and others find you a threat.  Think of it all as just a really painful compliment.

Seems to have been the best of 2010, so it gets a second go on center stage.

The Baseball Glove theory states:  Those who have not been properly worked in by life have trouble catching on. (to the realities of the world)

Three parts:  Those who preach the new age  “positive thinking” dogma typically haven’t faced much extreme hardship.   Where as those who have do not preach such a brand of positive thinking.

Those who have not been regularly generalized in the media or in person may be more sensitive to the concepts than those who have felt the repercussions of social generalizations.   ie: white bread honky being more insulted by a comment about inner city minorities that one whose feeling could actually be hurt.

Those who have never felt judged are more likely to judge others and in more haste.

Most Common Demographic: 20-24 college educated

Possible causes: Young people prepared for the world informed in the history and current events yet still not knowing a damn thing about how it works.  Can come forth as self righteous, idealistic, and oddly closed minded.

The Generalities Experiment

Let’s review a interaction I feel to have repeated a hundred times.  At first my faux pau were the result of not paying attention to whom I was speaking and then having to deal with my lack of adjustment to my audience.  Then it became an undeclared experiment where my gut told me I just had to do it.  Then I began intentionally experimenting  when the subject presented themselves.

It goes something like this:

I get introduced, keep to a very short but  polite greeting, state your name yada yada.

Eventually I speak to one of my compatriots and then the question arises.

“Where are you from?”

“I am from where ever you wish me to be from.”

“No, really.”

“Tell you what, here’s a multiple choice. “  I give them some choices and their answers are of little consequence.  The point is, upon getting the answer those out of the age range make a short statement of their surprise, say something pleasant and the conversation moves on to other things.

Yet, those in the age range the dialog continues as follows:

“No you’re not. You don’t sound like you from there.”

“Where do I sound like?”

“I dunno, yada yada”

“So you have been there?”

Answers then range from no to a few weeks.

So I am a liar. I go about explaining the possible reasons for my accent, from being dropped on my head to my mocking or adoration of different cultural trends to the point that they absorb into my personal vernacular.  For example, where I am from we do not say, “thank you kindly, no worries, bird, mate, scerred or hunker down.”  Some things are of my own creation or parts of ebonics that at one point or another were found amusing to me.  It could be because I spent 8 out of the last 10 years living elsewhere.

Still no dice.  I receive comments fueled by suspicion.  At best some flirting but I can tell I have already been flagged as a naughty boy.

I sometimes then mention to them, “This is why I said you can think I am from wherever you like in the first place.”

A few moments go by hopefully another topic comes up and this is where I drop the bomb.  I make a harmless generalization, “Mohito drinkers don’t seem to tip.”  Then the reaction is priceless.  All the idealism they nurtured in their sociology and anthropology classes gets to be unleashed. Oh boy, oh boy they get to be self-righteous.

I get it, I’ve been there.  I loved those classes.

“That’s a huge  generalization.”  some what appalled.

“You drink Mohitos, cause I’ll tell you a story?….yada yada yada.”

Later in the experiments, to sometimes spare myself a lecture or to actually prolong things I would make a statement like the following; “If you judge an individual or and individual situation by a generalization you can only be a fool but in adult conversation generalizations are taken for granted as something that is not to be considered true nor untrue.  There is at at least some truth somewhere distorted or not at the root of each generalization.  Heck, science is built on generalizations, logic is generalization.”  They have trouble getting their head around that, especially after a few drinks.

With my explanation fueled by with my own personal experiences  and with or without the addition of something like the above, the subjects are still miffed if not even more miffed.

This is where I could then point out that they raked me across the coals for a half hour insinuating I was a liar because I had not fit their Vinny on the block  general idea of how my home peoples are to behave and speak.

They literally made totally uneducated generalizations about where I was from, refused to accept the truth and judged me.  Then directly after became uppity and proceeded to judge me some more for my use of a generalization a lot less personal and usually much more logical.

Now, I could dampen their night and point out their disgraceful display of hypocrisy but instead of being a bully I wait a few minutes and non nonchalantly ask,  “So when did you get out of school?”

If your waiting for the sexist statement I will oblige, How about this,  Only a woman can sit there and insult you for a half hour and walk off insulted.  Sorry, that’s the best I could do and with that we can hit the frat boys.

With young men of this breed, snap decisions are more continuous but when they are of little consequence. Typically not as self righteous because they tend not to care.  Not likely to discus generalities but more likely to act on their own.  There decision making process doesn’t seem to involve the time to take in common place generalizations and are more apt to make their own from their own experiences and dismiss the generalizations of others.   They are not likely to be personally offended especially if the generalization does not resemble them.   More passive B type males may respond on such topics for it appeals to the chance for a intellectual flex of muscle. The A type will often be a brash tree bender.  (like a young bear) A bit hard headed where as the female will listen blindly and find ways to judge the male just won’t listen.

With age, unless the generalization is down right insulting or completely untrue such a statement will result in a variety of responses  much different from the subject demographic.

Agreement, polite disagreement with rebuttal, humor, or inquiries for the basis of such a statement.

In these instances there is an exchange of ideas and stories shared.  In a sense the parties involved have peeled some layers of each others respective onion and have a better understanding of how each other think.

The young in’s have trouble with interpersonal communication with their identities still up in the air, the insecurities still on the surface and the desire to be seen as one that knows what they do not.

Ironically many at that age are open to anything and are complete sponges for new ideas and different perspectives where as the above mentioned subjects will be a little closed until their level self realization and understanding harden enough for them to break out of the cocoon.

And yes this is where someone older than I pats me on the back as says “Congrats you just wrote over a thousand words to describe “young and stupid”.   Then continues to talk about  when they were my age where they thought they finally got it and were somewhat sage like.  Then they laugh at me.

What this all means is if you are someplace and you find your self saying the likes of “not all Irish people drink beer.”  The people are going to think you’re a child.  Others will be calling you Capt. Obvious behind your back  and the Irish guy is going to think you’re an idiot.

Women may and most likely hold you accountable to everything you say.  A truth in every jest, hidden meanings in every remark.   The intuitive parts of their brain, (which literally grows after giving birth I recently found out….freaks) has you saying things you didn’t realize you said.  Sometimes….sometimes, they can actually be correct in pulling out information or feelings on things we weren’t planning on sharing or weren’t aware of in the first place.   They dig, you deny, the take the spade shovel to that newly exposed nerve and…fight.

But, were not talking about that junk.  We are talking about the fact that men do in fact hear what you say and many have a bit of intuition, or what we like to call analytical logic ourselves.  Major difference is where the verbal mistakes of a guy can be the subject of conversation for the cackling coven a females uncouth remarks usually get summed up as so: “What happened to what’s her name?”  Questions buddy, and the response sounds something like, “Eh, stupid bitch.” “Mneh, just a dumb bitch.”  “crazy bitch.”  In other words it’s not a topic of conversation.  Do women say things that insult or even turn off men, yes but we don’t show it because it’s not a deal breaker when it comes to wanting to get laid.

It is rare indeed for a man to call out of woman on their idiocy believe it or not and if you don’t think so observe casual conversation of unfamiliar mixed gender groups. Women use that as a tactic of flirting, breaking balls.  To correct women on something they said???  Who in their right minds does that?  At most, a woman’s bad remark will result in a few darting glances, slight uncomfortable silence and a discussion between the other females in the bathroom.

So, it is understandable that girls aren’t aware of the insulting, ill mannered and plainly dumb things they say.  Well ladies here are a few clues.

• Trying to generalize the poor boy with in thirty minutes based on a stereotype and questions him out loud.  I.e. “You ( a/do/are) ………….. (you should/shouldn’t  do/be) ………………”  This is one of the more shocking habits of women because they tend to be more sensitive to such statements but in their rush to weigh and measure the male they can’t help themselves.  If that’s the case then just tuck the questions and inaccuracies in your head.  You’re not that clever. Maybe he’s lying to impress or maybe he is telling the truth and by opening your mouth you will become one of those “stupid bitches”

• Asking the three: I have heard the complaints about this type of thing.  First five minutes of talking to a girl the three come out. “Where do you live? What do you do? Is that your car? / How did you get here?”  Oh yes, girls you do in fact do this.  To a point the man should expect this depending on where he is living and what type of establishment he is at.  Once again the woman’s rush to lay the judgment has them saying some pretty transparent and ignorant shit.

• Comparisons to ones ex-boyfriends.  Yep, many of y’all like this one too. Maybe it is to signal you’re not totally over the ex and just because you end up blowing this guy doesn’t mean the ex is out of the picture.  But, seriously don’t ever mention the ex let alone make comparisons unless he has a record of violent behavior, jail time or mental issues.  The, “ug, you’re just like my ex,” can quickly result in one more likeness, them hating you.

• Comparisons with ones father.  This one is not all too bad for no matter how good or bad the comparison may be at least the guy knows he’s getting laid.

• You’re relationship with Jesus.  Unless he is wearing a white collar just save it. For much later.  Nothing like a girl going on about some deite and the dogma to utterly nuke the carnal instincts of man.  Yet, if you want the guy to go away, be a Jesus freak and see how the guy deals with it.  Granted, if he is clever and has no guilt conscious what so ever he will play the card in hopes of having you screaming for Jesus a little later.

• Vegans……the mutilation of animals and bean sprouts are not good conversation. No one wants lectures or a guilt trip.  Another way to get men to run away.  If he doesn’t he’s a hippy or gay…noooooo just kidding.  It was there and I had to.  I have continued the conversation for conversation sake but was I thinking this was relationship material? No way.  If she is this crazy over her diet that she has to speak about it to strangers she will try to change me. People don’t like being told they are wrong in general, right?  Well, that’s what you are kind of doing by vehemently touting your vegetarian ways.

• My dogs, cats, horses, kids.  Know your market. Maybe if it’s a guy with kids you can commiserate, but not at first.  God, he wants to forget about them at that moment. Heck, he doesn’t want  reminded that such flirting got him the kids he has.   Cat’s and dogs are border line.  Keep it brief, it’s when any one goes on and on that a person is going to get the feeling that they will be in competition with the four-legged which in most cased one will lose.  Horses? Well horse to girls is what Dungeon and Dragons are to boys.  Horse girls often just seem a bit off.  So, daddies, ex’s, animals and their possible mutilation, religion and vegetable based diets are no no’s yes?

• “I am on my period” It should never, ever get to that point.  Play coy; let the bastard wait a week.  Don’t mention it over dinner; don’t mention it after his private has stood at attention for a half hour.  Don’t talk about it….period.  *tee hee*.

• Feminist Doctrine.   I don’t care what you believe the laws of nature say you are talking to a possible mate not the god damned enemy so treat him as such.

• “Don’t you think…”  No, no, no…we don’t think.  Depending on what time in the night it is and how well things are going it could be the liquor or the penis thinking.  No we don’t think.  Cannot process if it’s a trap or not.  You’re leading us into something to get some  other sort of info out of us.  Nope, passive aggressive interrogation tactics don’t sit well.  Straight questions only.  A “don’t you think” is, well, if you say no, you’re openly disagreeing with her and if you say yes, you either look like your kissing ass or have fallen into a trap.  Remember, not the enemy.

• Questioning manhood.   “What, you not man enough…blah blah”  Ever read a guy’s face when someone says that to him.  That flash of menace as the small portal to hell opens and closes in his eyes.   You best have that man already because of you don’t you lost him.   Sure the response might be some defamatory remark or a snippy but lighthearted come back yet inside he thinks you’re a cunt.   Yep “C ” word.  If that is your style you may want to get your head checked, because it seems the same broads that come out with such remarks are the troubled ones that almost want some jack ass to hit them.

So, there it is.  We listen….we just don’t care as much.

On Conflict

One must learn to swallow their pride.  Feigning, from what in the long term end up to be meaningless battles buys peace of mind in the future.   Objectivity and relativity help you identify the true battles to be fought. Take solace in knowing how you could have buried the enemy, or lead yourself to defeat.   Take from that the ware with all to prevent such occasions from happening again, from even developing such enemies and the experience to use to indeed bury the bastard if your hand is forced.

Many a time, the other party will not be aware.  Sometimes when there is no concrete gain or satisfactory change to be had in confrontation it is better to stay still and take note.  In doing this you give yourself an advantage.  Information is after all the deadliest weapon and only you know the dynamic of the relationship has changed.  You are watching and they are acting as does such the cat and the mouse.

Adversity brings forth the flower of diversity.   Diversity is the Renaissance man, the jack of all trades.  Objectivity, and open mind will help you smooth out the edges of what is to be a well rounded individual.

On Women

Yes, the first and last offer belongs to the lady.  If some find that condescending to the female gender, pay them no ill will, but don’t you pay them any mind.   See, the fairer sex both basks and boils in their social gender roles depending if those roles are suiting their favor at the specific moment.    Then why would they find sexism in something traditionally thought to be nice?  They do so because the action at that moment suits them better as a cause to reaffirm their ideals or social contempt.    Gentlemen cannot take such liberty with the roles put upon us and must accept that.

The lady comes first, but not always.  In all things one must use logic and trust in it.  One may not come to all decisions base solely on logic but each decision should end up for the most part logically sound.

So with women, your choices can not get into a pattern where they favor the lass disproportionately.   On a scale from one to ten, you being 10 and her being 1, your decisions should primarily hover around a four.  This, the benefit for dealing with a gentleman such as yourself.  Now this is to be an abstract to keep in mind.  One should not be making a ledger or taking notes, going tit for tat.   Yet to needlessly and undeservingly spoil a woman is to not only lose respect but allow you to be taken advantage of.

In the bedroom get it done.   Listen and feel carefully.  Be responsive.  The whole game in nature is that the woman is in control and is deciding to whom to give control to.  She is the owner of the car; she knows the best way to drive it.  So pay attention to the blinkers, the oil and the check engine light.  Make sure she’s started and warmed up.    Their satisfaction comes first before you even think of dealing with yourself.  Why? Is this to kiss ass.  Hardly.  Make them happy, they will seek to make you happy.  More importantly when the task is done you can enjoy yourself at your leisure.   Just don’t let them get greedy.

It’s true, gentlemen never tell.  It’s ok to smile when questioned but to gossip ones escapades?  Must be quite the tale to tell, otherwise one is just doing themselves and the lady a disservice.   Women will do the talking for you.  If one is caught telling tales the female population will not take kindly.  The noble performance all for naught for now he will be slandered.   No, keep your mouth shut and if you are doing well the other women can tell if haven’t haven’t yet been told directly.

Some gentlemen get around more than others.   But keep in mind; deception and an abundance of inhibition inhibiting drugs are not the methods of a true gentleman.   You can ask yourself, do these women bare you ill will?  Has their opinion of you suffered?   Do they regret your acquaintance.  If the answer is no across the board then you my friend are one chivalrous chap.

It takes tact and maturity to leave them wanting a little more, or at the very least humored that you remain in their good graces.  It takes healthy choices in partners as well.

On the Man

A result of the four basic pillars, one cannot help but to grasp moderation as a keystone to ones personality.   No matter one faith or lack thereof those seven deadly sins (greed, wrath, jealousy, gluttony, vanity, lust, and pride) shall be tempered.    A mid 18^th century poem from the poet gentleman Samuel J Schwartz of London express’s this concept plainly enough.

Living on Sunday

Where there is humility

There lies no pride

Which allows one to appreciate

Than find reason to envy

Where there is generosity

There thrives no greed

So one can find balance in essence

And know not of gluttony

Where we lust humanity

Pointless is wrath

While sloth is a born right to living,

a Sunday priority.

The gentleman is a symbol of civility and masculinity.   A reflection of the accomplishments of human society and the positive things that are to come at whatever level he may be.   He is neither too self defacing nor prideful.   He aware of style and taste yet relishes living within his means.  He does not judge nor turns a blind eye.  He is unwittingly the preacher and subject of the good word.   He is a gentleman.

Does being a gentleman have anything to do with economic status?  One would be tempted to think so but that is hardly the case.  Yes wealth certainly does allow for the opportunities and free time for one to develop but there is wisdom and understanding to find in all places and at every level.   No many of the most classless buffoon and miscreants are attracted to wealth. This is not to say the less cultured ghetto is any more fertile grown.

No, I wouldn’t say there were any external conditions that could help accurately predict or explain the existence of a gentleman.   But we have gone too far, we don’t even know what one is.   I shall share what I know.  Before anything else, one must familiarize themselves with the four pillars of a gentleman character.  Tact, honesty, objectivity and relativism.     Let us start there.

tact–noun

1. a keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations.

2.  keen sense of what is appropriate, tasteful, or aesthetically pleasing; taste;

3. touch or the sense of touch.

hon·es·ty

–noun, plural -ties.

1. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.

2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

3. freedom from deceit or fraud.

Now it is possible to be honest all the time, but you have to have some tact.  Yes, omission is a form of lying but only when the omitted information is relevant and warranted.

One must learn to control the direction of their actions and of their discussions.  Tact is not a vehicle for one to deceive but a tool for the honest gentleman.  Honesty is good for ones conscious. Good for their soul.  Those who fault you for tactful honesty are those better left at arms length.  Jealousy and contempt eat at them for they themselves are untrustworthy. Those with little to hide need less armor hence can move faster and hit harder.

ob·jec·tiv·i·ty

–noun

1. the state or quality of being objective: He tries to maintain objectivity in his judgment.

2. intentness on objects external to the mind.

— adj 1. existing independently of perception or an individual’s conceptions: are there objective moral values?

2. undistorted by emotion or personal bias

3. of or relating to actual and external phenomena as opposed to thoughts, feelings, etc

Oh, how the world, and most individuals lack this virtue.  It’ can be a disturbing experience to have to communicate with one so lacking.   Objectivity is key to communication.  Communication, or lack there of is paramount  in nearly all conflict.  The rest is just one party, perhaps more conducting themselves in malice or idiocy.    Some cultures more than others focus primarily on self interest, which is not so much human nature but animal instinct.   See, a gentle man is still a man, which is still an animal, which in most cases still behaves as one.  In a sense a true gentle man is a little more human than human and this why they are called gentlemen.  Objectivity is a core requirement to being one.

rel·a·tive

2. something having, or standing in, some relation to something else.

3. something dependent upon external conditions for its specific nature, size, etc.

5. considered in relation to something else; comparative: the relative merits of democracy and monarchy.

6. existing or having its specific nature only by relation to something else; not absolute or independent: Happiness is     relative.

7. having relation or connection.

9. correspondent; proportionate: Value is relative to demand.

rel·a·tiv·ism

–noun Philosophy .  any theory holding that criteria of judgment are relative, varying with individuals and their environments.

Relativism is the fruit of the mind rooted in objectivity.  This is where one begins to understand how things work.  Instead of taking what one knows or thinks they know and jamming that square block into whatever hole they find one is better using all things abstract fluttering like a butterfly in what seems to be nothing but air.  But as the butterfly flies seemingly erratic, flowers emerge, perhaps soil, clouds until there is a whole landscape that keeps growing and growing.

This is how you get into the heads of others.

Ones understanding of others, from animals to children,  adults to the mentally disturbed becomes a virtue in its own right.  One now discovers apathy and compassion as well an enhanced ability to strategize and predict the action and behavior of others.

For instance, I don’t believe men just grow out of being romantic because we’re lazy bastards.   A seasoned adult looks at the young couples and it’s nice.  The kids are excited….stupid, but excited.   The cards are out, there’s no tomorrow.    Of course not all were out in reckless abandon in their youth, but it’s similar to when you thought algebra was hard, and you didn’t know trigonometry was a real word.

I don’t believe men date younger women base purely on beauty.   More on stupidity.  Yes, they can be stupid.  Passionately stupid in love.   While women their own age remind them of reality.  Responsibility.  They are reminded of all the crap they have seen which helped them to see how much of an animal we all are.  Reminded that the whole concept of love may very well be nothing but hormones and other chemical lies given to us by Mother Nature.   First the Easter Bunny and now this.

But time goes on.  In youth, they herd together like cattle.  There are plenty more choices that are doing the same thing you are yet as you grow old schedules,  careers, status, demographics,  and giant bags of bias’s, judgments, and expectations continue to decorate that honey moon sweet of stupid love with pictures of, I don’t know, fish heads and venereal diseases.

Time is more valuable, responsibilities grow and that spectrum of people whom you would give the old college try has dwindled to damn near tunnel vision.   Sadly many times you don’t know exactly who the hell you’re expecting on the other side of the tunnel.

In the modern world, we can say at least modern America that marriage is like math.  Necessary to society, functional but not cool.    It’s a chicken or egg thing.   On the discovery of shock value, did media turn us into the callused bastards we are or do we naturally enjoy watching people suffer and dwelling on the negatives of everything including marriage.     It’s like everything else, bad things seem to be more interesting.  The point is you hear more about infidelity and divorce than you do of people who are actually happily married and goes from whatever you see on television, to the neighbors to your friends and family.

Meanwhile, you tend to more and more to put off that whole mate for thing life because you reached that point where you’re pretty much knew whatever you going to know about the game and are now only becoming more clueless.   You like doing whatever the hell you want.  You fear all the judgments and expectations of those meh…possible counterparts out there.   Meanwhile they may be doing the same thing and everyone is as listless as an Amish dance off.   Hearts just are not into it anymore.   The danger is when one is so busy enjoying their freedom that over time the fences are built anyway and before they know it, they are enclosed.  By themselves.  With no one to let them out.