The “Inbetweener”

This is a character we all know, you may very well have played the part once or twice.   Sometimes it can a real bitter place to find yourself for its hard to justify anger towards anyone yet you are left feeling confused, hurt and foolish.   You had been used as an emotional and or physical whore but not always intentionally.

Let me clarify.  The inbetweener is the person that comes in between break ups.   He/She brings people back together, how sweet.   Yet, more times than not the couple will break up again and everyone’s time was wasted.   The only reason they get back together is because someone’s ex is no longer pouting over them. In fact they are seeing someone new and they ain’t no slouch.    That’s when ego and insecurity jolts them to life and they crawl back with promises and declarations of love.   They are afraid of losing that person forever.  They wanted to bide their time until someone or something forced their hand or the person is just being egomaniacal and  at the very least subconsciously is seeking to serve their pride.  In any case it’s not a nice way to treat a romantic interest.

Before the inbetweener they might not have been taken back.  It takes the inbetweener to make that person forget about the hurt.  Make them feel good about themselves or frankly, sex them up and get their libido up and running again.

They are set to go and the returning ex drives on the road paved by another.   Unfortunately, it’s only paved so far and the relationship will once again start hitting all those same potholes.   One will wonder why they went running back and the other will wonder why they took them back.

Who’s to blame?  One could be considered a coward for taking the ex back but it’s hard to break those old attachments.  And when one is feeling good they easily confuse the new fuzzy feelings with old feelings and old people.   The ex, many of us have played this roll as well, you’re  panic stricken and all of the sudden you need that person back in your life.   Although a few days prior they were more or less a distant thought.   You feel like you have been brought to realize some grand epiphany but in time you admit, if they were that important it wouldn’t have taken an outside threat to bring you back to them.

Sometimes you got to think hard about letting go instead of wasting your time.  If someone has the chance to be happy with someone else and you sabotage that for selfish reasons one could question if you cared for that person at all.

The person with the choice to make is caught between old and new, a built home and a foundation.   This is where another favorite character comes in.  One of you, if not both of you become “the safe bet”    One comes running back because it safer with whomever than chancing being alone.   One takes the ex back for they are more familiar and therefore “safer”   It could also be more likely to be doomed, considering it failed once already.  Yet, that is all situational.   It could be the last chance with that person or you could shelf them for a little while longer.

With the inbetweener on the other hand, you don’t have as much foundation built to take the damage you may inflict by cutting them loose.  If it was that easy to take the ex back you probably should not have been dating anyone in the first place and did a major disservice to the other person who you hopefully unintentionally lead along.    It’s hard to get away from people, even if they were bad for you.  We all know this; the body’s practically chemically addicted to those we dated.   But, when the inbetweener is cut they may see you as whipped and weak, deceitful, and feel as if you used them.   You can’t blame them, you never gave them a fair chance and it will be hit and miss if you can convince that person to give you a shot if you end up changing your mind again.    Remember, you hurt them; things may have been circumstantial but you’re going to have a lot to prove.

As for the inbetweener themselves, you can’t beat yourself up, but it’s hard because everything was new, and the beautiful lights were on and twinkling. It was warm and….then someone shut off the lights.  It takes you a bit to feel you’re way out of the dark room and when you get out the lights in that room may never go on.  You may never know what happened.   Being caught in between is as it sounds, tough and uncomfortable.   You may have done nothing wrong.  You may have been perfect and as frustrating as is that still may not have been enough.   There’s little to be done but play out your hand and be prepared to have a straight flush and lose.

You may want to get angry with people, but it’s not worth it, who knows what is going on in their confused little heads, they might even have a kid together you don’t know about, who knows?

Be amicable, just don’t allow yourself to be continually used.   You most likely will be shut out because the ex doesn’t want you around, or the person doesn’t want their feelings continually confused. Yet one may try to get the best out of both worlds or keep you on stand by and that’s not fair to you.  It  would only let wounds that should have healed quickly fester.   At least others want to use you and others find you a threat.  Think of it all as just a really painful compliment.