Oh No She Diddn’t

When you think about it, men don’t linger on the verbal faux pas as much as women do.

Women may and most likely hold you accountable to everything you say.  A truth in every jest, hidden meanings in every remark.   The intuitive parts of their brain, (which literally grows after giving birth I recently found out….freaks) has you saying things you didn’t realize you said.  Sometimes….sometimes, they can actually be correct in pulling out information or feelings on things we weren’t planning on sharing or weren’t aware of in the first place.   They dig, you deny, the take the spade shovel to that newly exposed nerve and…fight.

But, were not talking about that junk.  We are talking about the fact that men do in fact hear what you say and many have a bit of intuition, or what we like to call analytical logic ourselves.  Major difference is where the verbal mistakes of a guy can be the subject of conversation for the cackling coven a females uncouth remarks usually get summed up as so: “What happened to what’s her name?”  Questions buddy, and the response sounds something like, “Eh, stupid bitch.” “Mneh, just a dumb bitch.”  “crazy bitch.”  In other words it’s not a topic of conversation.  Do women say things that insult or even turn off men, yes but we don’t show it because it’s not a deal breaker when it comes to wanting to get laid.

It is rare indeed for a man to call out of woman on their idiocy believe it or not and if you don’t think so observe casual conversation of unfamiliar mixed gender groups. Women use that as a tactic of flirting, breaking balls.  To correct women on something they said???  Who in their right minds does that?  At most, a woman’s bad remark will result in a few darting glances, slight uncomfortable silence and a discussion between the other females in the bathroom.

So, it is understandable that girls aren’t aware of the insulting, ill mannered and plainly dumb things they say.  Well ladies here are a few clues.

• Trying to generalize the poor boy with in thirty minutes based on a stereotype and questions him out loud.  I.e. “You ( a/do/are) ………….. (you should/shouldn’t  do/be) ………………”  This is one of the more shocking habits of women because they tend to be more sensitive to such statements but in their rush to weigh and measure the male they can’t help themselves.  If that’s the case then just tuck the questions and inaccuracies in your head.  You’re not that clever. Maybe he’s lying to impress or maybe he is telling the truth and by opening your mouth you will become one of those “stupid bitches”

• Asking the three: I have heard the complaints about this type of thing.  First five minutes of talking to a girl the three come out. “Where do you live? What do you do? Is that your car? / How did you get here?”  Oh yes, girls you do in fact do this.  To a point the man should expect this depending on where he is living and what type of establishment he is at.  Once again the woman’s rush to lay the judgment has them saying some pretty transparent and ignorant shit.

• Comparisons to ones ex-boyfriends.  Yep, many of y’all like this one too. Maybe it is to signal you’re not totally over the ex and just because you end up blowing this guy doesn’t mean the ex is out of the picture.  But, seriously don’t ever mention the ex let alone make comparisons unless he has a record of violent behavior, jail time or mental issues.  The, “ug, you’re just like my ex,” can quickly result in one more likeness, them hating you.

• Comparisons with ones father.  This one is not all too bad for no matter how good or bad the comparison may be at least the guy knows he’s getting laid.

• You’re relationship with Jesus.  Unless he is wearing a white collar just save it. For much later.  Nothing like a girl going on about some deite and the dogma to utterly nuke the carnal instincts of man.  Yet, if you want the guy to go away, be a Jesus freak and see how the guy deals with it.  Granted, if he is clever and has no guilt conscious what so ever he will play the card in hopes of having you screaming for Jesus a little later.

• Vegans……the mutilation of animals and bean sprouts are not good conversation. No one wants lectures or a guilt trip.  Another way to get men to run away.  If he doesn’t he’s a hippy or gay…noooooo just kidding.  It was there and I had to.  I have continued the conversation for conversation sake but was I thinking this was relationship material? No way.  If she is this crazy over her diet that she has to speak about it to strangers she will try to change me. People don’t like being told they are wrong in general, right?  Well, that’s what you are kind of doing by vehemently touting your vegetarian ways.

• My dogs, cats, horses, kids.  Know your market. Maybe if it’s a guy with kids you can commiserate, but not at first.  God, he wants to forget about them at that moment. Heck, he doesn’t want  reminded that such flirting got him the kids he has.   Cat’s and dogs are border line.  Keep it brief, it’s when any one goes on and on that a person is going to get the feeling that they will be in competition with the four-legged which in most cased one will lose.  Horses? Well horse to girls is what Dungeon and Dragons are to boys.  Horse girls often just seem a bit off.  So, daddies, ex’s, animals and their possible mutilation, religion and vegetable based diets are no no’s yes?

• “I am on my period” It should never, ever get to that point.  Play coy; let the bastard wait a week.  Don’t mention it over dinner; don’t mention it after his private has stood at attention for a half hour.  Don’t talk about it….period.  *tee hee*.

• Feminist Doctrine.   I don’t care what you believe the laws of nature say you are talking to a possible mate not the god damned enemy so treat him as such.

• “Don’t you think…”  No, no, no…we don’t think.  Depending on what time in the night it is and how well things are going it could be the liquor or the penis thinking.  No we don’t think.  Cannot process if it’s a trap or not.  You’re leading us into something to get some  other sort of info out of us.  Nope, passive aggressive interrogation tactics don’t sit well.  Straight questions only.  A “don’t you think” is, well, if you say no, you’re openly disagreeing with her and if you say yes, you either look like your kissing ass or have fallen into a trap.  Remember, not the enemy.

• Questioning manhood.   “What, you not man enough…blah blah”  Ever read a guy’s face when someone says that to him.  That flash of menace as the small portal to hell opens and closes in his eyes.   You best have that man already because of you don’t you lost him.   Sure the response might be some defamatory remark or a snippy but lighthearted come back yet inside he thinks you’re a cunt.   Yep “C ” word.  If that is your style you may want to get your head checked, because it seems the same broads that come out with such remarks are the troubled ones that almost want some jack ass to hit them.

So, there it is.  We listen….we just don’t care as much.