Gentlemen (Part One)

What is a gentleman?  Who would you consider to be a gentleman?  Is this just an abstract label for certain situation behavior?   What images does it bring forth in the mind?  Do those images have a setting any time after the 1940’s?  Women in general don’t know anymore than men do on the topic.   Perhaps it is something one can only understand through prolonged observation.  For example, daddy issues or should I say the lack there of.  The daughters of gentlemen do not suffer scoundrels.   In turn a boy must learn to be man from other men yet hopefully that boy still has a choice of what he is to become.   Sometimes one may learn of a concept just by being exposed to great amounts of the opposite.

Does being a gentleman have anything to do with economic status?  One would be tempted to think so but that is hardly the case.  Yes wealth certainly does allow for the opportunities and free time for one to develop but there is wisdom and understanding to find in all places and at every level.   No many of the most classless buffoon and miscreants are attracted to wealth. This is not to say the less cultured ghetto is any more fertile grown.

No, I wouldn’t say there were any external conditions that could help accurately predict or explain the existence of a gentleman.   But we have gone too far, we don’t even know what one is.   I shall share what I know.  Before anything else, one must familiarize themselves with the four pillars of a gentleman character.  Tact, honesty, objectivity and relativism.     Let us start there.

tact–noun

1. a keen sense of what to say or do to avoid giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult or delicate situations.

2.  keen sense of what is appropriate, tasteful, or aesthetically pleasing; taste;

3. touch or the sense of touch.

hon·es·ty

–noun, plural -ties.

1. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.

2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

3. freedom from deceit or fraud.

Now it is possible to be honest all the time, but you have to have some tact.  Yes, omission is a form of lying but only when the omitted information is relevant and warranted.

One must learn to control the direction of their actions and of their discussions.  Tact is not a vehicle for one to deceive but a tool for the honest gentleman.  Honesty is good for ones conscious. Good for their soul.  Those who fault you for tactful honesty are those better left at arms length.  Jealousy and contempt eat at them for they themselves are untrustworthy. Those with little to hide need less armor hence can move faster and hit harder.

ob·jec·tiv·i·ty

–noun

1. the state or quality of being objective: He tries to maintain objectivity in his judgment.

2. intentness on objects external to the mind.

— adj 1. existing independently of perception or an individual’s conceptions: are there objective moral values?

2. undistorted by emotion or personal bias

3. of or relating to actual and external phenomena as opposed to thoughts, feelings, etc

Oh, how the world, and most individuals lack this virtue.  It’ can be a disturbing experience to have to communicate with one so lacking.   Objectivity is key to communication.  Communication, or lack there of is paramount  in nearly all conflict.  The rest is just one party, perhaps more conducting themselves in malice or idiocy.    Some cultures more than others focus primarily on self interest, which is not so much human nature but animal instinct.   See, a gentle man is still a man, which is still an animal, which in most cases still behaves as one.  In a sense a true gentle man is a little more human than human and this why they are called gentlemen.  Objectivity is a core requirement to being one.

rel·a·tive

2. something having, or standing in, some relation to something else.

3. something dependent upon external conditions for its specific nature, size, etc.

5. considered in relation to something else; comparative: the relative merits of democracy and monarchy.

6. existing or having its specific nature only by relation to something else; not absolute or independent: Happiness is     relative.

7. having relation or connection.

9. correspondent; proportionate: Value is relative to demand.

rel·a·tiv·ism

–noun Philosophy .  any theory holding that criteria of judgment are relative, varying with individuals and their environments.

Relativism is the fruit of the mind rooted in objectivity.  This is where one begins to understand how things work.  Instead of taking what one knows or thinks they know and jamming that square block into whatever hole they find one is better using all things abstract fluttering like a butterfly in what seems to be nothing but air.  But as the butterfly flies seemingly erratic, flowers emerge, perhaps soil, clouds until there is a whole landscape that keeps growing and growing.

This is how you get into the heads of others.

Ones understanding of others, from animals to children,  adults to the mentally disturbed becomes a virtue in its own right.  One now discovers apathy and compassion as well an enhanced ability to strategize and predict the action and behavior of others.