Humble Health Advice From a Nobody

Just a guy like everyone else who hears this, tries that but after awhile learns a few things.  Hopefully the experience coming from a peer and not a sales person can help.

I am not a nutritionist, not a trainer, just a guy who worked out things through trial an error while getting over his personal counter productive alter ego.

We all have one.  The sloth, who keeps people from sticking to it, sometimes even from starting.  The Hollywood, basically makes you delusional in a highly optimistic way when looking in the mirror.  The Party Boy that needs his beer and buffalo wings.   And the poisoned, which could be called the glutton, but their body is just addicted to shit food.

Mine is a little more rare, I suppose those vegans who wither away and practically beg for their internal organs to fail might be similar.  It’s the guy who just goes gung-ho but can end up doing  some damage to himself.

It’s the “mad man”- you can’t work on some parts of the car and expect the performance in whole to be optimized, even work correctly.  You won’t even get the most out of the tweaks you made without tweaking everything else.

This goes for that self-righteous vegan, the juice junkie or like me the simply misguided.

I’ll  try to spare you the freaking trainer spiel, but you have to work everything, whether you aware of it or not.   From my experience, various disciplines work best.    Done the gym.  Got to the point that I was going ten to 15 hours a week with a whole chart alternating different routines for every group.   But it was inefficient and over board.    You forget to hydrate enough one day or you get a little careless and you end up hurting yourself.  I got results, but not the same when you open half the time mixing it up and no where near what I should have had considering the work put into it.  Suppose it wasn’t a failure but it wasn’t a victory either.

There are loads of talking heads out there and a lot of costly crap  gimmicks and diets that the correct information or the old basics that always ring true get drowned out in.    Yet there are things out there,  CD products out there that aren’t so lame and that work.

Hit the internet and research, research, research.   The trainer want’s you around for a while.  He’s going to lead you to the illusion that you need the gym.   In some ways a trainer is great.   The way I was working out I probably should have been much bigger.   Yet it is just as likely that I needed the advice of a nutritionist telling me how to get enough of the right calories to support that much energy.   I have had buddies that were trainers and told me I was nuts for doing the gym for two hours.   This was after I ended up getting a pinched nerve in my glut and one in the neck/back area which was a result of tearing a back muscle a little.  brings me to a side point, which you will hear a million times but it seems everyone has to learn the hard way once.

If you feel a tweak, a tightness, a weird tickle, STOP, you’re done.  You’re not a wimp, it’s ok, you not setting yourself back, just go home and hit the showers.  Such sensations are the “check engine light”  don’t push the machine.   Not even “one more”  don’t do it, don’t do it , don’t do it…….don’t do it.

Never the less, no ways am I an expert on any of this. Just a average guy who has gone through his trial and error and will tell you some stuff that is really basic but you may have never thought of it or forgot.  This is stuff you most likely hear from a nutritionist or trainer.  The first and foremost things that must be done and that cost little.

Hydrate

Some guy on a job site once told me he started a diet and the first thing he did was that whole water thing and he dropped  15lbs in a month.  What the hell does that you ask?  Imagine the hype if there was a diet out there that could promise that?   Drink 2-2.5 liters of water a day.  At first you will pee a lot then you will realize that you have been running without enough oil for quite some time.  You will feel better.    But it’s a one month thing.  What ever weight you drop in that first month is just all the crap in all you cells and nooks and crannies of you body that don’t belong there.    A full body enema.  Then keep it up because if you don’t the weight will just go back on.

The best way to manage it is to have a “baba”.   Like a baby with a bottle, get a big bottle you can reuse and carry it around with you.   I prefer getting a two liter bottle so I know where I am at.   I just fill it in the morning and work on it through out the day.

This also prevents impulse buys where you head says it’s thirsty and next thing you know your drinking some soda or other crap filled with the devil.  Otherwise known as high fructose corn syrup.  There is no debate, shit is poison.  Stay far from it. Enough said.

If you’re pee is clear than you’re in the money.  Also take note of dieretics.  Coffee and tea will make you pee.   That means for every cup of coffee, add another cup of water to your intake.  This is especially important for singers and gym nuts that don’t realize this.

Weight loss 2nd wave.   Drinking the correct amount of water cuts down your appetite and in my experience about a 1/4.   Cutting out the devil will cut your appetite from 1/4 to a 1/2.   I shit you not,  getting off the fake sugars and drinking enough water is the quickest way to fit into the dress for that bitch Tina’s wedding.  First two must do steps.

Stretching

Dear lord if I only knew.    If any one serious about training was asked if they had to choose between only lifting or stretching they would say stretching.  Of course one shouldn’t go with out the  other but you will be shocked how many forgo the stretching.

It prevents injury, helps in the healing process when training and you really do feel faster and  more agile.    When I got started I said that my legs were like stretching concrete.   Now I could probably kick you in the head.   There seem to always be more stretches to learn and collect like Pok-e-Mons.

Once you get good at some I find that you get to  the point where everything is in good shape and you can cut the stretching time in half because your body can now handle the more complex stretches.  I  found these techniques  by asking people, dancers, yoga instructors, people who have had injuries, and the internet videos and programs found on the internet.

After tearing the back muscle and getting minor sciatica, both from six months of an over zealous gym routine, I had to look around for new stretches.  Eventually there were ones that helped me.  Like with the weight training, I was doing a lot of a lot of things, but not everything, not always correctly and it was costing me.   I had some parts that were too strong for others leading to an muscular imbalance and parts that were very flexible while others were stiff.  It  just leads to weird quirks, issues and injury.

People talk abs but don’t realize you’re legs have to be built and you cannot  be eating shit food to get a full six.   That’s considering that the rest of you core is set up nice an balanced.  Personally I think why there is this hard wired hoo-ha about abs is that it is telling our subconscious animalistic part of the brain that that person in top shape.  Everything has to be going on to have the abs, well at least after the age of 22.

Back to stretching,  after giving it a try for a while, and be patient, you can try that whole yoga deal, which gets a lot of well deserved hype.     My sciatica and the pinched nerves I had in my back and neck were for the most part alleviated by doing yoga and the yoga was only possible because I was pretty darn flexible to begin with and I could breeze through the beginner stuff.

It’s can be cheap. It feels good.  It makes sex much more interesting.  Do it.  Everyone else is gonna tell you the same.   I like to think of myself in my 70′s and where the stretching I do now is gonna come in  then.

Not a money guy, and as I said before I ask, and ask and ask.      I talk to the trainers get whatever snippets they will give before they clam up wanting me to buy a session.   Every buddy you know who hits the gym, athlete, trainer.  I am the guy, when at the gym, (I now work out at home successfully.) who would walk up to someone and ask exactly what the hell they were doing.

Had shoulder issues back when I was younger, some strange dude on an Amtrak  showed me a neck stretch to fix it.  Had back problems where a friend of mine who used to dance taught me a few things to help take the tightness away.  Keep in mind nothing like that really goes away unless you make the stretching habitual.

Some say money is power, some say knowledge. But only one is likely shared. It’s as if there pennies on the floor everywhere and people love to hand out singles when asked.   Collect.  Of course some are are counterfeit or merely bubble gum stomped into the concrete but after time you learn what does and what doesn’t have value.

Food

Ok, now I have done my own low carb diets and have done just fine.  Presently I have a funky looking toenail and don’t want to take pills so I am balls to the wall on the Candida diet.   Which was easier for me for I was on a relatively strict diet already.  But lets not get anywhere near all that stuff.  There is tonnes and tonnes of info on those diets from much more qualified people and those much more full of shit trying to peddle something.

Instead lets from a perspective of someone who just wants to be healthy.

Everything in moderation, heard that right?  Live by it, one of my favorite quotes.  Not that I always stick to it, somethings, sometimes …but with diet, I do good.

Think first, “I am animal, why the fuck am I consuming shit that does not exist in the natural world?”

Secondly,  “I can enjoy eating and eat well.”

Frankly, I am a meatatarian. I only consume death.  I only eat nuts because I feel like I am eating babies.     I just felt like Saying that.   The point being, as long as you don’t over do it on the red stuff, you can eat steaks, chicken, fish, pork etc.    Sautéed onion, garlic, peppers, vegetables in general.    Butter isn’t all that bad in moderation, olive oil and spices, common!  Basil, chilli powder cumin what ever ethnic cuisine is to your liking.  You know how many things you can make with that?   Are you kidding me?   A little cheese here and there, fruit is awesome.

Once you get the artificial sweeteners out of your system you will find your body demanding strange shit like spinach salads.  You’re body knows what it needs.  What ever created us is smarter than you.

Save the pasta for when you go home to see mama because you know she cooks it better than you anyway.   Rock chef salads for lunch for the week and you don’t have to feel like a fat fuck after downing a dozen wings and a picture of beer watching the games on Sunday.

Side note I used to make ten massive chef salads with cold cuts or tuna, blue cheese, veggies, the works, for 20$ a week.   Home made vinaigrette.   Few of those a day, a nice cooked meal like mama used to make;  starch, veg, protein.  People see me partying on the weekend, “Thought you were on a low carb diet?”  I hold up my pint and say, “Child, these are my carbs.”  You don’t have to give up eating or living you just have to do them both smarter.

Its cheaper to buy in bulk and cook your own dinners, and most likely less expensive in the future as far as your health cost go.

Sure you got past the rant but not sure  what to do about it.

Let me break it down.

Look up “sautéed vegetables” and start from there.

Grilled meat, home made salad dressings, use fruit as a filler and don’t eat anything with artificial sweeteners, bleached flour or products with more than (my personal guess and choice) 8% of your daily allowance of sodium.  Don’t get discouraged when you first go to the supermarket looking at labels granted most the the store becomes off limits but most of the store is full of shit.  You will learn quick enough what you can work with.

Other side tips, watch to see what the bar is using to make those fruity drinks.  If they are using a mixer and not all juices stay the fuck away.  Not only is that shit the worst of the worst, made of total shit, that is the stuff that will have you puking on late summer nights.

Condiment addiction.  Dude that is too much ketchup and yes mayo in abundance is pretty gross and you look gross eating it.   As I mentioned before the “home made salad dressings”, is because the bottled ones will make anyone’s well planned diet moot if consumed. Try subbing mustard or horseradish in.   For instance, I only put a little mayo in tuna then put spicy mustard or Dijon, some horse radish and a little garlic powder, fuck me that’s good.

Sweet Tea drinkers, first may I say I’ve made that stuff before and you are gross for drinking it.  Like damn, there’s no doubt about it in my mind cause I have seen enough that the big sweet tea drinkers carry a bit more baggage and fat and skinny aside the person drinking sweet tea guzzles three to four times more than the person with the unsweetened tea.   The sugar addiction in action. They remind me the cocaine experiments they did on rats.   In some countries they don’t even drink during a meal and these people 3-4 16oz glasses  of 50% sugar water.   Cut that shit out now.   The fast lane to diabetes shiiiiiit.

Fast food is only for hangovers or road trips, eat well 95% of the time so you don’t have to be a stick in the mud when when all logic leads you to that crap.  Yet, I do suggest a bottle of Pedia-Lyte for a hangover over anything else.

Italians, it’s not good to eat a half a loaf of bread at every meal, especially since you should be steering away from bread in general.  Stop it.  I feel for ya NY, because that bread is ridiculous and I still sometimes dream of it, but that’s even more reason you have to get some self-control.   The Italian bread may as well be made with heroin and the bagel with crack.

Balance, if you do choose to go on a strict diet watch out for how much acids you consume such as vinegars and orange juice.   An all protein diet can be taxing on the stomach  and you will have to beef up on dark greens and go light on the acidic foods.   Research, see what a nutritionist has to say.  They have their jobs for a reason so if you are gonna go hard with anything in life ask the people who are paid to know.

After some time I can say I understand the pit falls of being naive, and I have a greater understanding of how the body works, even more importantly my understanding of my ignorance of how the body works.

Rocking the ship back and forth and hopefully finding that even keel.

What keeps it going;

I my mind, in gods world we are running around more, were getting the exercise we need to be ready to fight or fly.  We are also eating what is naturally provided.  So now in the world that man has created with all sorts of abominations we call food and lifestyles that no longer fit our physiology. It is your personal responsibility to keep your shit straight and be respectful with what you have been given.   If you give your kid a car and they treat it like shit how are you going to feel about that.

Secondly, age is a bitch and an expensive one.  It’s the same thing people say with money.  The work you put in now is going to save you in the future.

Finally be a little vain.  Cause a “little vain”  still keeps doubt, you never optimal enough, and even if you are, how do you keep it.   I will never compare myself to someone near my age.  If I compare myself with anyone they are ten years younger or those Van Dame Bruce Lee fuckers.  Is that disheartening?  No, will I ever get there, *chuckle* no, but I can try.