On the Fence: Ready to Ditch or Hitch?

Don’t look for it, don’t expect it, just be prepared for if it happens.  Yep, love, or relationships, steady sex, what have you.  If it happens it happens.  The grass always seems greener; because it’s the same damn grass and you’re just casting a shadow upon where you’re standing.  There are benefits to being single and benefits to being with someone, as long as your prepared for either it doesn’t make a difference.

By being prepared, you must be able to say goodbye to the things you liked about one situation, and say hello to the things you could go without in the new situation.  When you find yourself whining about your partner or about being lonely, ask yourself, if it were to change tomorrow, would you be ready?

Honestly, gannie panties, and torn boxers are out.  Going out four nights a week, kaput.  Quiet time, much more scarce.  Spontaneous?  Not so much anymore.  To spend time with platonic friends you have to get that permission slip signed.  Now, sure, “I don’t need permission for shit, I do what I want” Deny, Deny, Deny.  No, you are full of shit, if that were so, there wouldn’t be prostitution, strip clubs, or whatever sinful, cloak and dagger outlet of the kept man.

On the other side, cooking, cleaning, back rubs, and sex at the ready, gone.

No one to hear your bitching, rub your belly, play with your hair or pick you up soup when you’re sick.  No one gives a fuck.  Are you ready for that?

How does one prepare?  Well the perpetual bachelor, obviously only needs to prepare for not being single.  Being single for a long time allows one advantage.  You domesticate your self, you can avoid a lot of hen pecking, because you already know how to take care of yourself.  There is one major disadvantage.  Many of those things we do to take care of ourselves we do wrong, so we must deal with someone coming in and correcting our system.  That tends to freak us out.

There are small things one can do to prepare for a smooth transition from being single to being owned. For instance, when I rent movies, they are nearly always, war, westerns, or sophomoric comedy.  I save any drama type movie I could possibly sit through for whenever I need to watch it with someone.  I hate watching movies twice and I hate sitting through some sappy shit or some lame ass horror shit.  By sticking to my basics at the video store I can give the girl a wide selection of movies to watch, because the only ones I have seen are the ones she’ll never want to watch.

Get your hobbies in order.  First, a busy man I think they find attractive, I’m not sure, but I think they do.  Busy up that schedule.  You’re not playing hard to get, you are hard to get and they know the time they get with you they better make worth it.

You will also never find yourself finding things to do to get some time alone (which she will notice), because you will already have them.  Even if you don’t like the hobby all that much, stick with it, because when you do finally drop it, you did it to “spend more time with her.”

Keep your platonic friends close if you don’t have any get some.  Get used to the female opinion and learn how it works.  It’s a real shock to suddenly have that opinion around all the time and you’re not used to it.  That’s when we tend to shut down into bitch-man mode.  Play stupid, and eventually just be stupid.

A good example is, I suppose, are most of the family sitcom dads. Most play the part of a village idiot. The plots to these shows more often than not have the father behaving inappropriate, immature or insensitive and the hijinks begin.  He represents all the dudes who hide behind ignorance and act all “man” like, but they’re really just a Neanderthal bitch.

Do not keep much stuff.  The stuff you have, you should really like.  Kinda give an example for them to follow.  Besides, you never know how far it’s going to go, and when she starts removing stuff, she’s not going be able to tell your good stuff from your bad stuff.  So just have good stuff and a policy on not messing with any stuff.

Put a little bit of money away.  Not for the purpose of saving, but to simulate having a girlfriend.  Learn to live within your means with the price of a girlfriend.  Say you’re into the low maintenance type.  Put fifty more bucks a week in another account and pretend you don’t have it.  So when you get the girl, you can stop tucking it away and your spending habits will not have to change.  If you’re into expensive girls, I wouldn’t recommend having too many payments.  Hold out on the new car. Then again if you are into that type of women you can probably afford it or may even need it to get them to consider you.  In that case, picture once a day suddenly losing half of everything you have till you are comfortable with it.  There’s a good chance it will happen.

So what if you want to be single?  Find hobbies, to distract you from the change and to make use of your precious time you had surrendered to someone else.  Again, get those platonic friends so you don’t miss having the opposite sex around so much. Start doing things that you always wanted to do but couldn’t, like watching all those movies they never let you rent.  Get rid of all their shit.  Oh, yes, their stuff is no longer stuff, its shit.  Start saving money.