Humbug! The Holliday Post

The Holliday Season. This is the “valentine’s massacre” for the single mans ego.  I don’t think we get all that hung up on having no Valentine. That for the girls to brood over.  But as a single man.  No kids, no woman bugging you to go to the mall with her, no wise ass hints about gifts or having to “clean up and look presentable” Sounds like heaven right?  Wrong.
I hate malls.  I don’t particularly care for shopping.  And you know what?  Having a pretty girl attached to your arm while doing it sounds pretty good to me.  Especially since they’ re often willing to take control of the purchasing and all you really have to do is carry packages around.  Of course the grass is always greener and one is sure to avoid the mall at all cost when there’s someone nagging you to go. Such is the way of the testicle.
Seriously, it’s a mind fuck.   I have lots of nephews and nieces, and I thank God for them.  Sure the shopping sucks, when you’re passing couple after couple after couple, the old couple, the new couple, and the lesbian couple.  Even the rows of mannequins seem to tease you. Yet, it’s better than not having anyone to shop for.  There is no other time where it’s that uncool to be a single bachelor.  The teenagers roam in packs, then other than that, twos, or fours, or families, everywhere.  I shit you not; I think I was the only one shopping solo.  The rest of the year these people could be seen as sheep, suckers even.  But at this time of year, who’s pathetic?
What do you do when the festivities wind down on Christmas?  You could hang out with your relatives kids until you’re not even worth competing against on the Xbox. One is lucky to have that.  It’s not like you can get emergency punah nah, on Christmas Eve, that’s some dangerous shit if you manage it.  I suppose it could happen, in the movies.  The fact is.  You’ll be the last one awake, watching the fire or the stars with nothing else to think of but the past and future.  I hope they are pleasant thoughts.
From experience, they are usually not.  No, from my experience, you’re left getting a good wine buzz reconsidering your failures.  I suppose I may seem a little more negative. But winter and I have never gotten along, and well yes, as Christmas ends, a year ends. The questions of where you are, who you are.  Oh yes, you’re ?? years old, alone, not where you wanted to be, with seemingly less to show for all the work done.   It’s fantastic.  And after dwelling and looking for a dark cold body of water to walk into, you spend the last few minutes realizing that, there’s a bed or a couch waiting for you.  The gas you have is because your tummy is full, and the headache is because of the noisy freaking toys your brother had to buy for the children.  You know life isn’t that bad.  You just have yet to experience all those things you have found yourself apparently lacking in the past weeks, and you will know how to appreciate them when they come.  And remember, once this freaking season is over, you back to being the free bird.  It’s just that during this season it’s going to be our confidence that flies south for a little while, and we just have to try to keep our heads up.
If you have kids, spare the brat the back hand.  If you have a good girl, pull her in a little tighter tonight, if you’re a perpetual bachelor, cheers buddy, it isn’t our time yet.