Make Me A Sandwich! Taking the Gender Out of Gender Roles.

Just kidding!  You never demand a sandwich.   You may only ask for one with a “pretty please with a cherry on top.”

That title sure is a nice chunk of bait for all those independent women with their first world problems and compulsion to find ways to be offended yet sorry to disappoint you.  I am gonna require you to read on first before being offended.

When I hear “role” I still think sandwiches and therefore the word “gender” has no business being next to it.   Now let me tell you.  I love sandwiches.  Love em.  All kinds.   Any type of bread, vegetable, meat or cheese. I love me a sandwich.   Now considering how much I love sandwiches I feel it is my duty to end a slightly amusing but highly damaging trend that’s using my most favorite culinary delight as a weapon between the sexes.

I am sure most of you have seen a sandwich meme, if you haven’t well then just type it in that little Google box ya got and take a look.  I’ll wait.

So now you are either offended or laughing but you all are overlooking the real victim here.   Yes, sandwiches!  and the family structure…and love itself!   Now sandwiches are looked at with disdain by many and one may not even be able to say out loud “Man, I would like a sandwich” without receiving a venomous stink eye.

So let’s get a few things straight.  Every good home has a sandwich maker and that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a female.   I for one can make a mean sandwich and it will most likely be my roll (har har) in a domestic setting and that’s fine with me because not only do I like sandwiches, I like to cook and part of that comes from the satisfaction one gets from fulfilling a  friend or loved ones basic need adeptly.   It’s a sensation that has been keeping the species strong since the beginning.

You can dismiss it as a trained habit, gender role  or what ever you want to explain why mothers will offer sandwiches but  are we to look down on them?  Of course not!  You will not find a more content and satisfied male when he receives a sandwich from his wife or mother.  You can’t copy that.  I could not make such a sandwich.   The restaurant can’t make such a sandwich.  The deli, the guy on the corner or the uppity dude on the cooking channel cannot make that sandwich.   Because it is made with a certain type of love.  It’s a love that brought us from the oceans, out of the caves, through the fields and into the large cities of the present and it is best represented in the simple form of the sandwich.

The sandwich, which comes in many forms is the primary culinary symbol of interpersonal connectedness.    You can not be safer with someone than when eating a sandwich in their home.   People may cook dinner for others, have fancy appetizers even.  But it symbolizes nothing.    A sandwich symbolizes family.

So don’t dare shout to your household sandwich maker to “make you a sandwich.”    (Although it is kinda funny if you never want one again) It’s rude, ungrateful and if any of these major religions had a sent of a clue, sacrilegious.

Nor should one develop a standard for not making sandwiches, especially the random sandwiches (which are the most magical of all sandwiches) for to do so makes you unfit to be a mother or wife.  That’s right I said it.  You just don’t have the instinct of either nor the capability to take on the linchpin  role in the family whom also usually is the main sandwich maker.   You shouldn’t own even own pets for cats and dogs are both also know to love sandwiches.

Self involved people don’t do well in those roles yet if you presently are such a person and/or have a aversion towards making sandwiches, worry not.  For something happens to a couple when they have a child.  It starts with peanut butter and jelly.  Then ham and cheese then a decade later  everyone is sitting in front of the TV as a family unit, watching the game with giant beacons of love sitting in front of them.  With lettuce, tomato (But not Jr. cause he doesn’t care for tomato), multiple meats, and cheese with potato chips and a pickle on the side.  Yeah bitches, that’s some of the best shit this simple life of ours has to offer, better recognize.

So screw gender roles and the stupid conflicts that arise from what are really  piss poor masked attempts at self-actualization.  There are only two important roles we are taking about.  The person who makes the sandwich and those who say “yes please”  “Thank you very much” ,  “It’s perfect”, “You’re the greatest” and “I love you.”

Understanding

I have been posting under this name for four years.  Some of the essays I have posted are twice as old.   Things change over time and change in ones body, the aches, wrinkles,  are only to represent the changes that were to have happened in the mind and those changes have gradually come.  Though I would never go back and edit or rehash what I had written prior for it is not so much as a change of mind but a change in the perspective from which I am seeing things.   For all intents and purposes there can be more than one truth as long as the parties involved are ignorant of the others angle.

See, with time you may not only understand topic or target more than you did at a prior time you may understand the target more than it knew itself.  Like how we may understand a technology more now than the person who invented it then.  Yet, one shouldn’t dismiss the opinions of the past no matter how true or false they may be for it would be to erase the blueprint to your rational.

Now things and people we embrace, deal with well, get along with are also the things we went out of our way to understand whether you notice it or not. Now this all seems like common sense that we all instinctively know but it’s not.   All those sayings, “give it a chance”, “give it some time” “give it/him/her a try, give it time”, “see what they got to say.”  The key words are “give” and “see.”   Good information is rarely free and it is truly one of the most efficient conduits of power.   You have to give something to get something right?  You drop your fears, your personal view, your history and commit to merely thinking about another angle, you will “see” things you have never noticed before and sometimes see things differently altogether.  But that requires your time.  Maybe be a few minutes. Maybe a few seconds.  Maybe you will have to further expose yourself to people and things to find out more.

I know again, “common sense” and again I will tell you you’re wrong.  90% of the worlds conflict is due to a lack of communication. The other 10% is someone just being a #&!@*.
That’s my feeling.  Yeah sure greed, and various other sins and bad manners but if everyone were willing and free to communicate, most of that crap would be isolated quickly and a lot less people would be involved.

Now how does this effect you? People speak of the things they want.  Wealth, love, security. I would like to argue that all, whether they  if they admit it or not firstly, inherently,  one just want to be understood.  And from where they find understanding is to which they become emotionally attached.  Those that behave otherwise are the ones used to not getting any understanding and see no reason to bother seeking what they believe they will not get.   I am sure they are the exceptions but I think even a sociopath would take more kindly to one who can pick up what they are putting down.

So this is where I go from macro to micro on your ass.  If you don’t want to be rubbed the wrong way by something.  If you don’t like that icky feeling.  Remove yourself from your existence and go mentally to that person or to the people who enjoy what you dislike.   Yeah you may like it, you may become indifferent which is a little comfort or at least you may then learn why you dislike something and may even get into the heads of your enemies.  Mwa ha ha ha.

Now, when it comes to relationships.  You really got to get over yourself and into the other persons head.  Now I am not saying psychoanalyze and trivialize the person and their feelings.  I mean look at it from their eyes.  Maybe psychoanalyze yourself from their view.  If you aren’t willing to take the time, and seriously, once you get into the habit your talking a matter of minutes, but if you can’t take the time to do so and often then you cannot blame anyone if things go wrong.  One could question your level of caring and your initial intentions.

Ignorant bias is just bad for the soul.  If one doesn’t have the time, exposure or patients  to try to understand one still has their imagination and the usage of such is something truly lacking in the world.   There are people, perhaps the majority that either lack or refuse to use their imagination to attempt to understand what it would be like being born a different race, sex, religion, nationality or background.  Even most of the nit picks people have with others root from an impatient mindset and lack of imagination.   When people ask me why I do something or think some way I am always tempted to reply, “Why do you think I (whatever)?” But then I would end up sounding rude.  So instead I then proceed to punish them with a long and detailed explanation about whatever trivial topic that concerned them.

So the gist is..ya know all the hype about tolerance about all this or all that and political divides and trouble with your friend or significant other and various media outlets that just bombard you with endless conflict?  To help form an opinion, to get along with people, to lower your stress level I suggest shutting up, getting over yourself, to quietly think and see where that takes you.

Important Lessons I Learned From Dad.

Can you recall the small one or two line statements your father would repeat again and again to which you would reply with a glazed over gaze or a “yeah whatever”?  Can you recall them?  Have you managed to find wisdom in them?  Hopefully so.  Hopefully you have had someone instill those little important man lessons into your brain while you were young.   That or the equivalent for the fairer sex.

They end up being these gems that say so much in so little.  They belong to a language that can frustrate women at times.  Sometime one may feel that the male isn’t engaging in the discussion where for better or for worse they truly said all they have to say.  Though I have a feeling that such an explanation isn’t going to help much as an excuse.

Of course you are going to need examples and I am going to give them to you. The following is a list of rules I often fall back on everyday that my father had slyly planted into my programming.

“Think about what you have to say, and then say it.”  Now this is not the same as the “Think before you speak” line which is more often than not a warning.  Yet, this probably was the result of my father tiring of the rambling child. (Me)  But seriously how huge is that.  One appears more articulate and less likely to say something dumb or talk out of their ass.  It pays major dividends when communication with people.  So simple but not so sure everyone does it.

“Respect the tool” In simple terms this means to pay attention to what you’re using but when using something that you can hurt you you have to go a little beyond just paying attention.  Use it correctly and you won’t hurt yourself with it. Every time I have cut myself or had something drop on my head the first thing I would think was that I didn’t respect the tool. What I observed is that the lesson included people as well.  Treat those who work with and for you well.  Keep them sharp and out of the rain and they will get the job done for you.

“You never know who you’re talking to” Simple. Show everyone respect. You do not know who they are or who they know. To follow the rule might never be rewarding but sure enough breaking this rule will bite you in the ass.

“If you are going to do something, do it right” This might sound gun-ho or obvious but it’s not.  It’s not about putting in the extra effort; it’s knowing that that effort should be the norm.  You may actually find some pride in the things you create.  Though you may merely do it for yourself not to waste your precious time but such ethic will earn you respect and keep you employed.

“Think about what you want to do then do it”  Everyone get flustered and panicky at some time and often to a point where you’re not being as productive as you should be doing whatever you are doing.  Ever see people trying to figure something out or in an emergency situation? Then there’s that one dude that’s just standing there then suddenly goes into action solving the problem.  What he is doing is stopping, deciding what exactly he wants to do.  Then he thinks about how he is going to do that in the best possible fashion.  That may seem slow but really takes a few seconds where as those who just react are screwing up and freaking out.   If it’s not a quick situation then it’s simply a way to keep from making silly mistakes.

“Try to be a gentle man” Now you ask “why the “try”?” That is because when you have to remind yourself of such it isn’t an easy task.  When someone tells you to be a gentleman it’s usually because you are going to be in the company of undesirables.  You instantly are like “Pfft, right.” Now trying to be a gentleman is different. Anyone can try.  And you never know when you might end up liking those you didn’t. It doesn’t hurt  pleasing whoever is asking you to behave or at the very least you become a better actor over time.

“Shut up and listen” Now I can talk. That is something I can definitely can do.  But more important, so much so is the ability to shut up and pay attention to what is going on around you.  To this day if someone says “Shut up and listen” I am all ears. Of course if what they have to say doesn’t garner my attention (they didn’t think about what they wanted to say before speaking) they will pay dearly.  Are you competitive, thoughtful, looking to impress or looking to take over the world?  Shutting the hell up and opening your ears will aid you in this I guarantee.

“Show some consideration.”  I usually got this one in a displeased tone.  It’s basically short for the golden rule but more importantly being aware of who is around and thinking about all involved before you act.  It was a pretty easy habit for me to pick up. The overactive brain enjoyed crawling around the heads of others.  Yet it made inconsiderate act’s a huge pet peeve I had to learn to let go of. I strongly feel that 90% of conflict is due to miscommunication and the other 10% someone just being an asshole.  Few people try to truly feel another point of view.  Foolish.  You can learn to be a good guy and make life a hell of a lot more simple but also use that to destroy enemies as well.

“Pay attention to what you are doing” This one might seem like a redundancy of the others but it’s not.  This is the key to the others.  I had an extremely over active brain in my youth and at times I still do.  I still am addicted to multitasking but I would not be able to do so without becoming efficient doing each task individually.  You can not do that with out paying attention.  Refuse to hit the autopilot button and immerse yourself in even the most menial tasks.  That’s how you get good.  That’s how you get fast.  I still struggle at times because my brain always wants to skip steps but to do any of the above I had to slowly learn some sort of focus.

“Does you’re face hurt?” I have asked this questioned to every single soul that has expressed some sort of physical pain to me and I might just now have come close to how many times my father has asked me the question.  It’s a great way to prevent a person from whining to you that’s for sure.  One of my favorite jokes of which punch line you will have to guess.

Then as we grow older we pick up some less useful ones, a few more timeless tacky jokes and various short ominous statements till we are more Mustafa than Simba.

The Secret Behind the Illusionary Habit of Gold Digging and the Allure of Older Men Amongst Young Women.

Now it has taken me a long time to realize something about the early to mid 20’s female demographic.  Rightfully so, because I’m a man and in my specific man ways I’m an idiot.   As a young man I, like many others of my gender couldn’t help to feel slighted by the opposite sex’s habit of dating older.  Weather it be the prettiest freshmen girls dating seniors in high school or the college crushes with their 28 year old boyfriends.  

We quickly figured it could not possibly be us.  With our keg stand modified agility and bong making ability?  Paleeeze, those bitches and ho’s just want a guy with money and a nice car right?    Yes and no.  Sure some might find those to be priorities yet for the majority it could be very well something they let us think.   Yes, a way to get a round in style is extremely convenient and who doesn’t like free shit?  Besides, the extra motivation it gives the rest of the fellas couldn’t hurt us right?  

Is it worth it for them to pay any heed to the grumbles of their male peers?  It’s far easier to let the men think they can’t afford them than to blatantly tell the guys that they are simply too fucking stupid.    That’s where it is folks.  The most common adjectives women have for men as far as I can recall would all fall under the definition of stupidity.   Boyfriends, fathers, brothers, we are all some sort of stupid.

Yeah sure stereotypically women can seem stupid but do you know if they really are?  They learn to play stupid years before men do and that’s why there is often an age gap when dating.   Eventually the light bulb goes on in a man’s head and they realize, “Ohhhhh, I know what she’s doing.”  Some men not only can then read the games but can even learn to play them as well.

Finally a willing adversary.   Easily manipulated creatures whose body of knowledge has nothing new to offer besides sports or video games aren’t as appealing as one would think.   Some women believe in playing dumb to get a guy to like them yet perhaps that could be an illusion they play on themselves.   It’s not a matter of the man liking dumb women. It’s the woman trying to get down to his level so she doesn’t go fucking nuts.

A young mans ability to cope with manipulation is in most cases no way adequate to deal with the skills of a female his own age.  Of course I speak in generalities and there are manipulative little pricks running about too but lets have some fun.

There are a great many things as young men we just don’t get.   Some of us are too nice and no where near ready to provide sufficient resistance to the force a woman can generate which is needed for them to find balance in a relationship let alone respect for their partner.  

Our listening comprehension sucks, manners are hit and miss and many are barely housebroken.  Now are we to judge if they prefer someone a little less dependant on mommy and with a few more moves in the sack.    

Sure the older guys often seem like jerks and totally fail to treat your hearts desire the way she deserves to be treated yet don’t overlook your tendency to act like an asshole.  The fact that you don’t know when you’re being an asshole is the thing they find infuriating for there is no reasoning with you or committing a justifiable act of revenge.   The older guy knows when he’s being a dick.  More importantly he knows how to be a dick.  

Which brings me to the fellas who prematurely choose to behave like a dick and well it sometimes can be successful but a girl usually finds out in short time that he is simply just a dick with out the car, money, emotional maturity or brains.

Yes, many women are attracted to assholes but there is so much variation with that.   They could have daddy issues, (which is probably an inappropriately mild way of mentioning far worse issues) punishing themselves, they could just like the adrenaline rush of the bad boy, likes fixer uppers or behind closed doors she owns his ass.   

Yet those we jealously presume to be assholes are guys just like you that have learned the appropriate give and take with that specific woman or women in general.   For either sex it’s not just about monitoring the amount you take in a relationship in respect to what you give but what you should and should not give and should or should not take, whether good or bad.

It’s a right of passage.  With time you see they seem to care less and less about money and cars yet the girls who did have those priorities might very well still have them and as for the rest of them its probably you that has changed not them.   Sure they ones your age are still going to think you’re an idiot but now at least some of the young ones are the drunk idiots or naive fools.     

Now instead of acting all jealous you can act all suspicious of women cause now of course they just want you for stability and your sperm.     You could always date younger and watch as their boy buds stuck in the friend zone look at you in contempt.    And you’ve come full circle. 

Sexual Evolution

We all have heard one time or another about the stark rise in separations/divorce from one generation to the next.  All sorts of theories emerged.  The sexual revolution, drugs, breakdown of family values, all the way to the other side of the spectrum with the objectification of women with unrealistic standards of femininity.

Now I propose our typical human arrogance might have let the real reason slip by.    We tend to, in general refuse that our short comings exist by hiding behind  societies scientific advancement of which  mutation exceeds what mother nature has in store for the flesh and blood individual.

This includes what’s going on in our little heads.   In simpler cultures, simpler times where options (for everything) and the amount of information provided from the environment are limited, it’s fine to hit puberty running and start breeding like many of our furry mammal cousins.

This is not so in affluent modern societies where the individual faces a bombardment of not only biological and synthetic physical matter but the dynamic influx of events and influences toying with our emotions.

Plainly said,  The cultures where there are less options and influences are the same cultures that marry and breed earlier.    And it works just fine.    Yet, such is not the case in more modern, fluid, transient, info saturated cultures.   The places where the Perpetual Bachelors usually emerge from.

What am I getting at?    Emotional maturity.   In such busy bee societies people worry a little about those who marry young.  The news of young couples always tend to raise a few eye brows and nervous grins.   In addition, that “too early” age seems to be getting higher and higher every decade.

Meanwhile in other societies it’s the reverse because unlike the former’s necessity for one to be emotionally responsive to more dynamic surrounding, the latter’s surroundings simply don’t call for it.

Therefore it is impossible to compare the 1950′s with the 1990′s or with good country living to metropolitan life.

There’s no way, even without the wanderlust, could I see myself getting married in my 20′s.    No way.   It’s like trying to sip your pina colada in a wave pool.

Now,  we are not evolving to the point where like praying mantises or cicadas  spreading our genes is the last productive thing we do. (though it may often feel like it)  As much as we like to point out our cultural differences we fail to accept them as logical causations for other radical and often ignorant accusations assumed to be the fault of differences in culture.

Ok, so now what?   Well, nothing.   The transient, affluent, hipsters of the world  have already recognized that in their microcosm the species develops  not any better, but more complex and at a slower rate.

Am I saying they are emotionally more mature in general.   No, not really.  But I am saying when subjected to  a greater amount of external stimuli from ones environment one must have a higher level emotional maturity to have successful relationships.

Crazy is What Crazy Does

I told you previously there was a point for behind the last post, and here it is, and 1/3 the size of it prologue.

Dating a bipolar bear.  My 100% unprofessional an non-clinical opinion…as if that ever stopped me before, yet unlike most of them real life shrinks I’m actually a bit of a nut job.   Kinda like a horse that can talk. Let’s just skip the middle man.

So I assume we all have heard about a co-dependent relationship and their pit falls.  Usually it is referring to drug addicts but can also be the same with minor short circuitry.   Bi polar bears are much like pit bulls.  You put two together, they are either gonna fight or ….make real nice.

Why the later?  Because it’s rare that someone can relate to them on those specific and extremely personal issues.  That quickly makes that person more attractive and in many ways a logical mate.  They understand.  But do they really?  Do they fully?  Are they too caught up in their own crap to be any used to you despite the intimate camaraderie in craziness?

Sometimes it seems like a great way to get over ones issues or help cope with them is to help one more screwed up than you are.   You’re not as hopeless or useless.  You’re now working in the same world with someone else and your knowledge is recognized.   All this time you haven’t been trying to communicate to the world through indecipherable scribbles.  The world just didn’t know how to read it.   There’s no guilt or inferiority complex because you are both similarly flawed.

Here’s the trouble.  One may put up with all sorts of crap and see what they want to see just so they can have that feeling of usefulness.  Others want to hold on to that stability for a while.  Want a crutch.  Want an instant fix.  One if not both parties involved may begin to use and manipulate the other.   It’s just too much baggage for a relationship to deal with especially when those dealing with their own problems get slammed on the head with the others screw ball crap.   These are to be match box relationships.  A hot, hot flare and let it burn out.  An attempt at a long-term gig…like Chernobyl.  The fall out is toxic and lingering.

Now the fight part usually begins when you notice personality traits you can’t stand in someone.  You don’t know the real reason you can’t stand them but in time you may realize that either  it’s because you have or had the same annoying  traits or you sniffed out crazy and it’s depressing  and frustrating to be around.

Cathartic Purge (But I swear it leads to something)

Back from sabbatical. (fancy way of saying been too busy or lazy)  I think I might have to open up the season with one for me. Not sure where the Perpetual Bachelor is going to go this year, but I suppose that the fun in it at least for me.

I found myself smiling like an idiot while brushing up on my clinical knowledge of bi-polar characteristics.  It comes to a point where that stuff becomes elementary yet worth a review and reassessment.   Over time one forgets how they fashioned their lives around their condition.  It’s a marvel to realize that such choices become automatic and how ones troubles are usually due to a straying from those internalized rules.  Yes, feel free to assume I’ve had my issues, if you haven’t already long ago. (I can hear your snickering from here)  “S.A.D” for those who remember psych 101.  I’m like the only pun in the text book. Fitting though.

Those fortunate to learn to manage the various short circuits one may have in their heads develop an enhanced ability to decipher their own feelings.  As a blind persons hearing adjusts one with a bi polar disorder or depression issues may eventually be much more aware of their feelings and the causes behind them than the average person.

Of course that is a sugar coating found with those fully functional and educated on their condition and even when this is the case repercussions of a disorder still must be dealt with for most realizations are made retrospectively, usually just in time to prevent any real damage.

You can’t help but to still be a little “off,” but at the same time those who aren’t a bit “off” begin to seem insane or mundane, hard to explain.  I’ll stop. Any who…(yep, any who) this development that keeps one from conflicting with themselves causes friction between them and the outside world.

Deep down inside no one like to feel like they are flawed and with an intuition honed out of necessity to be more responsive to how one is feeling, their surroundings and the feelings of others, animosity towards the average comparatively insensitive individual can flourish since the “flawed” are rarely fully understood by that average person.

A health nut forced into the life style for some reason may have a little more distain for the over weight while a trust fund baby tends to have less understanding or empathy for the poor.  Those who have been places in their heads fear and loath the judgments of others and this may be one reason why it’s so hard for many to find help. Now imagine that they don’t know what’s wrong with them, which is basically always the case, at least the first time.  Pretty shitty.  It’s not like a broken arm or a limp. People do not readily empathize.

With that said I suppose examples or at least a few metaphors are in order. As I said in the beginning, I was smiling like an idiot.  I returned from vacation with an odd case of jet lag.   I would bound between bouts of joy and sadness as if on a trampoline.  Now after dealing with a depression disorder as a young man and for the most part conquering my demons I eventually realize that at some point I got on the roller coaster again and in a sick way can find amusement in it all.  Got to stop and be your own shrink. What am I feeling? Why am I feeling? What if anything should be done?

Most of all one wants to assess the situation to learn what the trigger may have been but before I choose whether or not to get into that I want to go back I and illustrate what I meant by fashioning your life around the condition.  Shit, I’m known to be a little bit of an eccentric and have my own methodical madness, but these adjustments are beside all that which pretty much makes for a character. I don’t mean to sound narcissistic or self abusive it is what it is.

For me, weather was a major player so I turn and bend that growing stalk that is my life toward the sunlight.  I ate well and began working out not because I was a competitive person or for the sakes of vanity, but because they brought with them natural endorphins, a healthier endocrine system and enhanced self esteem.  After learning slowly to show myself compassion I became more likely to show such compassion to others.  Then adversely show a much greater distain for those lacking in compassion.  One develops crutches, some try using people, thankfully I don’t think I did much of that in the sense one may think, but boy was I guilty of it in another way.

Sometimes some latch onto a safety blanket.  A hobby, a pet, an inanimate object can become the guard rail or pillar of ones turbulent inner world.

You’ve seen the cases where those mentally ill or deficient would just open up or have their keel evened with the aid of animal assisted therapy or your idiot savants gifted in whatever they find as a point of stability.  As for me, writing, animals and some “destructive” habits kept me a cool cucumber.

I doted over my fish and still do over my cat. One gets conditioned by the world and as sad as it sounds when confronted with stress I would take a pen, notebook and my cat before another human being.  I would love to have my old fish tank.  “Normal” people don’t understand why the troubled do the things they do and just throw it in as just a characteristic of being mentally challenged or ill.

When, if they could tell you, they might say that they could find more empathy in the eyes of a stray dog than they could in another person.  My 45 gallon hexagon fish tank that I took on a two day move down the east coast of the U.S sounds insane to most but to me it meant stability.  My cat I raised from a bottle and my library of scribbles was the earth, sun and sky.  My jewels in a world found unsatisfactory.  Of course this sounds nutty.  But it is what it is.

I will never work in a cubical, only outside or by large windows.  I love teaching because of the openness of youth.  Adult minds can grow stagnant, unmalleable and unimaginative.  Whatever agent of creation there may be we risk growing away from it as we mature.  That God, collective unconsciousness, or what ever universal truth is more one with the damaged, children or animal kind and it’s mans individual challenge to keep as close as they can to it through their lives.  I like to surround myself with things that remind me of such. (besides all the scientifically proven biological benefits for my condition that just happen to coincide, but the first part sounds so much more profound no?)

I have been there and back. Experienced so many things just with in my head that I could only be awed in what could possible be going on in someone else’s head.  But being “there” (I’m in a big quoting mood today”) and back, for me it’s like being a three dimensional ball in a linear world.  I see those who suffer within their skull and people walking by or feebly knocking upon the door I myself have been behind.  It’s a trip.

Last thing one wants to admit is that what ever short circuitry they suffer from or the solutions for the malfunction changes them, takes them over.  That’s why many refuse to take medication and it takes a rock bottom event to get them on it.  Many secretly are jonesing to get off whatever stuff they were prescribed and once they begin to feel better they stop, there’s a sudden relapse and some unfortunate things sometimes happen. And everyone is “surprised”.

Now, I don’t think I could tell you what or who I would be.  I was a broken kid when I had to make the adjustments and I was flawed long before realizations were made.  What I can tell you is that there have been many positive outcomes and mutations do to my condition and for all intensive purposes I am what I am and the only thing I could ever be.  Between hereditary and environment and the fact that our biological systems and subconscious still call most of the shots you’re all just as crazy as me, but you don’t know it, which makes you crazier than I.  The fact that I am pretty tuned into my insanity makes the average person merely meandering their lives blindly away far crazier than I am.  But that’s ok, I understand.

Now, I hinted lightly upon how such things could change the landscape of interpersonal relationships. Sorry for the prelude but I believe it’s necessary for the following installment to be understood clearly.

Dating with a Bi Polar disorder..I’m not even sure you’re even supposed to do that.   Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “ups and down in a relationship.”  But we will talk about that next time.  Same Bat time Same Bat Channel.

Challenge: One Night Stand Etiquette

Challenge! 

One Night Stand Etiquette

Before I go on to answer this challenge, I must make clear that being the virtuous fellow I am the following may entirely be based from presumption.   So let ya be learned yeah?

Let’s begin with the just dont’s.

If you have an infectious rash or flesh-eating disease.  (Nor if you carry any transmittable STD’s  or think you may have symptoms.  If you have to be told that you are indeed a grade A asshole….huge asshole, like I’m trying to clean up my language but still must emphasize, scumbag asshole.)

If you have a violent, significant other or stalker that follows you around.  Do not use someone to get someone else jealous or set them up to be attacked.  That’s what crazy trashy people do.   To be judgemental, yes.

If you are smarting from some other rocky or ended relationship and there is a greater than 25% that  you’re gonna start crying at some point, do not pass go and do not collect da booty.

Ok, so now we have a set of basically harmless, emotionally sound people.  I think a cliché’ “Do & Don’t” list is called for.

Don’t

• Refuse to wear a condom or ask someone not to use one.
• Don’t wait till the last possible minute to tell someone you’re on your period.  That info should be mentioned before heading anywhere and not saying anything and destroying a mans sheets, well  that’s just dirty on so many levels.
• Hickys, bite marks and scratches are very inconsiderate.   You may not know where he or she works or whom they are seeing.   You also beg to be gossiped about.   You want some dudes friends all calling you “Wolverine” or have to go to work in a turtleneck?
• Do not take anything with you.  Even if they loan you cloths while in their home.  If it is a necessity to take them, ask if there is a way you can return the clothing.
• Don’t disappear while they are asleep.   Even writing a note is pretty weak. Unless it’s a flattering, super sexy note.   For the most part be an adult and face the admirable farewell.
• Don’t linger.  Rise with the house.  Follow their lead and when they start getting dressed that’s your cue.  If they offer breakfast accept if you wish then shortly after make for the road.   You should know by then if you’re gonna end up staying the afternoon or not.
• Don’t bother if you are in risk of having whiskey or coke %&$#.   They didn’t take you where ever for your lame ass excuses and apologies.
• If a girl changes her mind, that’s her prerogative.  She is a bit of  a jerk and total cock tease but the dudes a bigger jerk if he flips out.  A man should keep their cool, never look desperate and make them second guess and regret their decision.   Yet ladies, you really should have you’re mind made up with how far you’re willing to go before you venture off.
• Don’t be one way.  To take and not at least try to give…they probably should bad mouth you.
• No porn star crap unless it’s asked for.  You know what I mean.

Do‘s

• One should have some basic stuff in the home for any guest not just the really unexpected ones.   Contact lenses case and solution, toothbrushes, some various sized comfortable clothing.   Condoms.  Having to run around for rubbers in the wee hours of the morning is a total tacky buzz kill.  Be a big boy or girl and be prepared.  They have pretty long shelf lives.   A bottle of red, a bottle of white, and a few brewskis are usually a good thing to have around as well.
• Always offer water. It’s polite and you’ll hopefully need lots of it.
• Offer a shower and a clean towel, before or after but at some point.
• Offer breakfast.  Unless you just HAVE to get away and get them out.  But you know a few eggs ain’t exactly a wedding proposal.  Besides it gives you a few more minutes to try to figure out their names.
• Make it clear one way or another that nothing may result from the drunken collision BEFORE it happens.
• Make sure you have at least a clue of who they are and not end up nailing the boss’s,  your friends, or some pimps property.

There you have it. If I lacked  moral fiber and partook in such animalistic behavior I’d like to think that that’s a solid guideline.

Challenge! Long Term Realtionships…What do I think?

Inquiring minds want to know, “what does the “Perpetual Bachelor” think about long term relationships?”  It is perceived by some that my view of such an arrangement is negative due to its absence in The Perpetual Bachelors subject matter.  This leads me to wonder if it’s also assumed that I dislike kittens or grapefruit juice because I don’t talk about it.  FYI, I adore kittens and don’t care much for grapefruit juice.

The PB’s response to this of course starts with a question.  What business does say, Vegetarian Weekly have writing a three page feature on “Cooking the Perfect Steak”?  It doesn’t mean the writers don’t like steak yet such an article invites a justifiable question of credibility.

Two issues make this essay uncomfortable is that I loathe using myself as a subject and I will continue to dance around that.  Nor, do I like putting myself in the situation where I may be pulling things out of my butt.  Another thing to be taken in consideration is when talking about relationships articles are forced to come primarily from personal experience than observation unlike the dating scene therefore it much more insensitive towards the feelings of those whom were in relationships with the writer.  For that reason I long ago decided I wouldn’t go there very much and nor will I in the future.

Now will that all said I will do my best to appease my readership and to start to point out that it may very well be them and not you.   Perhaps the gentleman does not find it honorable to bring on a wife and or kids when unable to afford financially what he feels they deserve.  Maybe he feels it would be ethically irresponsible to bring more children into an over crowed world.   He could have a nasty terminal and or genetic condition that will eventually rip a family apart and doesn’t have the heart to put someone through it.

All too often people take others personal choices or points of view as a personal critic upon oneself and fail to realize that they can’t truly understand another until they except that it isn’t about them but about someone else.  One may think it to be obvious, but we all do it, all the time.

Now a relationship is something you trade for.  You trade independence, simplicity and a certain amount a freedom for responsibility and vulnerability.   Therefore it better be worth it.   Mama’s boys, male chauvinists and those slaves to the status quo have no issue jumping into relationship after relationship while the fiercely independent, idealists and helpless romantics are less likely to follow suit.

A relationship should not be pursued because one wants to have children or fulfill some set of expectations.  Nor to have someone take care of you or have someone to take care of.  Not even because you’re afraid of dying alone.

Yet, many seem cool with that.  Many don’t mind marrying rich or being married to because they’re rich. Because they’re hot, good in bed, they need you, whatever’s clever for this is after all the Perpetual Bachelor not perpetual boyfriend, perpetual husband, perpetual man who has given up on life…kidddddinggggg.   Yet, I can still point out what many of us see through observation and don’t want.

A partner should be a soundboard not a verbal punching bag.

One should not find themselves having to hide from the other.

It should be teamwork not a separation of duty.

A partner should not have to be fixed or broken in.

One should not have to worry about having someone to occupy their other when going out together.

The terms “sex night” and “Birthday BJ” is two of the most horrible things I have heard in my life.

Back talking kids, partners with illogical expectations, violence, deceit, divorce,

Minivans, pleated khakis, golf shirts with “Douche bag” already embroidered on them.

 

Do we see nice stuff?  Sure.

Kids, vacation photos, possibility of steady sex,

Someone to have your back, help you clean, hear you out, accept you and all your disgusting shit.

So to summarize, I don’t think one way or the other about relationships.  When I see a good one I think it’s very nice and figure I could do something like that and when I see something I don’t like I thank the powers that be that  I’m single.    It’s not a situation where it’s “You haven’t tried pizza?” it’s more like “You haven’t tried raw clams?”  Sometimes you might be allergic to that type of clam or they may have been sitting out too long.   Relationships are not a safe bet and one should not be judged for not looking for one anymore that they should for looking for one.

Those who find m view objectionable may ask, “does the PB have baggage?” Bah, who doesn’t at least carry a phanny pack?  Yet never has it affected my objectivity… has it affected yours?

 

Why Sports? I’ll Tell You Why.

I am going to set forth and explain something, that when usually questioned, receives a glare, a shrug or “just get me another beer” in reply.   This is far all of you who wonder what exactly is the attraction to sports.  Why do we glue ourselves to the TV for hours on end? Why do we talk and debate endlessly about coulds, shoulds, whys and hows of these games?  Why do we paint faces, shout, sing songs and sometimes, even cry about these sports, which in reality have little importance to the survival of the individual crying? It is all because sport itself is an irreplaceable institution of civilized human society.

Aristotle claims man to be a social animal with a natural affinity for friendship and community.  Giving us a little too much credit.  Thomas Hobbes, is a little on the pessimistic side and felt that man, a self involved, individualistic creature, finds society to be merely a convenient way to get what he wants and keep it.

The reason behind sport lies between the two.   There was a time when men began to band together for such things as protection and the mixing of genes.   Men poorly designed and vulnerable to their environment had to be constantly plotting, predicting, confronting, adapting to and conquering the adversities of the unknown that stemmed from the natural world.   That type of behavior is what makes one Human. Everything else is just basic life function.

In today’s society, the natural world hardly exists.  Yet there is still the underlining need for men to be men in a world designed for automatons.   Ones job and ones marriage and family are just fulfilling some of those animalistic life functions that every living creature does to exist.

The same reasons children knock each other around are the same reasons fuzzy little puppies; kittens and cubs knock each other around.   No, you do not see a bunch of grizzlies practicing a play action pass. (And we should worry if we do) but the natural world has not been removed from them.  Society might not have the need for each man to use his instincts.  But his instincts need society to provide an outlet.

Today, there are more Monday morning chieftains than warriors to take the field but the war paint, tribal colors, the allegiances are as ever alive.  We plot and discuss, question and strategize, we form the tribal bonds of what we now call teams.   We defend “our home.”   We compete to win or lose. We do this all because it is what put us here on top of the food chain.

Many say sports are stupid, and that they don’t understand the purpose behind the game or the behavior of the fans.  Some of these are a little more feminine and prefer baking and potpourri.  Many have been roughed up by some dumb jock when they were 13 so decided to take it out on an entire social institution.   Most just are not athletically gifted.   Of these people many play Chess or Dungeons and Dragons or the like, where they plot, and predict to defeat their adversary on the field of battle.  Sound familiar?  Men are different sure, but they all are slaves to their instinct and will go about it in the ways they are best capable.  So if you find yourself, bitching about your loved ones and the games they play just be thankful you’re not in a society where those games aren’t warranted for your loved ones at least will be coming back alive.

I also guarantee that if you take a group of people of similar size and athletic ability and give them a game to play, that they will have the time of their lives.   It might not be a pretty to watch but that’s not the point.  If this sounds sexist oh well.  I see a lot of women sports too and if you’re not playing, you’re either fawning over the warriors or kissing boo boos.  What about the whole “nesting” thing and shopping? Yes, the table can be turned.  If you’re still too (insert nonconformist click) to think sports are ok.  Well, athletes do drugs too if that’s helps.  Also, I’d kick your ass in Chess, Stratego, or Risk and I have a 2^ND Edition Druid or a 3^rd edition fighter/mage that would ruin you. Four eyed bitch.

If you are just a concerned, or jealous girlfriend, you should stop being a self fish and or insecure and see the brighter side.  Yeah, sure there are no-lives that get carried away and spend way too much time involved yet there are many who just want to watch their team, or be left alone on Sunday.  How is this a good thing?  Any proper and manipulating woman with half a brain knows these things already, but I will enlighten you.

First, and most obvious, Bargaining chip.   “Sure I will leave you alone all Sunday, I will even pick you up from the bar IF…….”  You offer a day of football, with no tasks, calls for attention, no complaining, you will be surprised what that will get you.

If you actually take interest, you can play it like sex.  I know women in some relationships use sex as a reward, (If it were me and I had to do shit for it, well there would not  be a relationship)  You can play it off that you are joining him to keep him company and have y0ur wings and eat them to.

Thirdly, if you don’t really care for it, but you help him root for his team, and stay deathly quiet when things don’t go well he should appreciate that immensely. It can be something you do together, there just isn’t as much talking.  Very little in fact.  Think of it as quiet time, like if you were going to Church together.   He just prays to the T.V and mumbles swear words instead of church music.

On a side note regarding football over morning sex: There are seven days in a week.  But only one is Sunday.  There is one choice for the animal and one choice for the civilized man.  The civilized man knows there will be other mornings, but only two Redskin/Giant games a year.

Originally Posted 7/13/09