Advanced Hunting Lessons for Women

What are you hunting and why is it advanced you ask?  The answer is found simply in the name.  Going to give you a few tips on how to take down a perpetual bachelor.

We are not talking about young pups untainted, unscathed with poetry in their eyes and we are not talking about the mommas boy in need of  full domestic care.   We are talking about the full grown animal in the wild.   We are but animals in the end are we not? I wouldn’t debate me on that.  Anywho, your dealing with a tough sort, the loners.  The tigers, the sharks, this is big game and to take one down you better know what you’re dealing with.

Of course you can’t generalize the entire species.  Some may be lame, sick or old and therefore easier to catch. Some, damn near begging to be caught.   But you want the virile 24 point buck, you want the boy with the big tusks, the white Siberian whose stripes still shine.  Then tread carefully mighty Hiawatha.

Let’s start with their strengths so you may understand the danger fully before plotting the take down.  I know how some of you are and you probably already skipped this paragraph.  Sigh* For you that do not wish to be gored to death I will continue.

Picture a stray dog. Not the ragged thing with three legs but the one who your scared of, the one that should be let to run off into the woods.   He doesn’t need your help.  He knows his environment and knows how to care for himself.  You can’t  keep him with some canned food and a belly rub.     The career bachelor knows how to cook, clean and like the feral mutt enjoys his freedom.   He is used to doing what he wants, when he wants, without answering to anyone.  From dumpster to garbage can, from town to town, the rush that is the liberty of the adult male in his natural environment.  Grrrrr.

They are smart, not like your cuddly golden retriever that knows all those cute tricks like putting the seat down or holding your purse.  They have instinct.    Multiple defense mechanisms that can leave the hunter frustrated and greatly bewildered.   They are known to vanish into the fauna like ghosts.   Release scents, ink and spines leaving the foiled hunter in a painful situation that stinks.  Others just plainly play dead.

Say you have that all in consideration and that’s fine as long as you remain the hunter.  It is all to easy to become the hunted and a quick meal.   When you become the prey the game changes.  But you want the same thing ….or do you? Clever buggers they be, deadly too.

It takes a little time and patience to understand your specific target.  No two beasts are exactly the same and you may only get one shot at him.   A good hunter uses all their talents.  If you just use visual bait you will fail in the long run.  They are at the time in their lives where they are often getting better looking while the females are on the aesthetic decline.   If one tried to flex too much mental muscle the beast begins to relish the silence of his cave or burrow.

They aren’t going to be tricked into liking something they don’t or disliking something they like.  If you even get that far where you have the courage and full body protective suit to attempt such a thing I would suggest lots of positive reinforcement.  Because you want them to do something is not a good enough reason.  No one wanted them to do anything before you came along.  Grrrrrr.

If you are lucky enough to get near his burrow, don’t tarry long.  His scent must remain the dominant scent.  One could perhaps “straighten up” a little but that could lead to two things.  He may be a little amused, slightly grateful or he is now plotting to dig another burrow elsewhere.  One you shall never find.   Clean up you own mess, leave his mess alone, unless you want him to get used to it.  Appealing to the males lack of affection for domestic cleaning is a method for a hunt in a late stage but remember the two very different ways the animal may react.

Do not change your scent or appearance, if you mix into his surrounding then suddenly become something else he will run off or more likely attack and eat you.  No male likes to feel as if he has been compromised or caught unaware.  A true shot can only come from a hunter whose heart it true.

Weaknesses;  Yes, they all like to mate and you know this.   And at all times it helps to get your foot in the door, but rushing to fast might make you merely a meal and if you doddle too long he may catch your scent grow weary and move on to tougher terrain.  Again, this isn’t your golden retriever, they will not suffer taunting, scolding and will not beg.  You have to lure them in, not just a bait and catch.

You have to have a bit of the wild scent in your own right.  Don’t want to smell too much like you’re living room.  The domestic world is somewhat of a foreign scent and it may very well spook them.

They are in best season between mid November to mid January.   There isn’t as much for them to do as the winter takes hold.  Many of the kept males they know are out and about with their cubs and/or females.  It is not the time for lone wolves.  This is when they are at their weakest and most susceptible to a females charms.  The male’s nesting and procreation instincts kick in.  But when you miss that window things quickly change.

As the dawn of spring breaks they begin to warm up and by the summer they are way too many young females in bathing suits and too many ways for them to celebrate their freedom.   The more cynical of the species will be wary when others are at their weakest namely Christmas, New Years and Valentines Day.

There is another way beside sex to gratify the male.  At their peak they are also beginning to feel thing they haven’t before.  Like hangovers, sore backs and pulled muscles.  The maintenance the beast’s body needs is taking more work. Work that can’t be done properly themselves.   If one wishes the beast to maintain their emotional needs the best way to get results is to satisfy the animals physical needs.  Meaning the aches, pains and urges.  You must give the adult male real good reasons to allow himself to be vulnerable.  Remember, wild animal.

If you have been paying attention I have said it.  How to catch and keep.  Quick recap?  Ok,  You want marriage down the line you have to learn the prey’s specific marriage between, sex, procreation and physical maintenance.  Perhaps not the heart but the spine and the key to the beast’s companionship.  I am amused cause I can nearly hear some disapproval, and that is fine.  You will be gored or mauled.

Now, say you have the animal in a tenuous comfort zone.   Like the stray dog, no collars, no chains.  Let him come and go as he pleases and give him what he wants.  Do not give too much and not too little and make sure it is something your willing to give for the foreseeable future for if you change the routine the feral instinct will kick in and all the conditioning is for naught.  You will be eaten, in a bad way.

You must remember that your stuff is yours and make sure he respects the boundaries and stays off the couch.  You have to respect your own freedom. You cannot freely throw your time at the animal and expect him to hand you a leash he is attached to.  As much as you would like drop your head and surrender you must make it a game of compromise and have him believe that he has to give to receive.   If you surrender, there is no need for him to give up anything.

Maybe, just maybe he may drop a barrier or two and let you onto that pile of rags he curls up on.  Subtle reciprocation should follow.

One must follow that delicate dance of the hunter and the hunted  keeping  that course of gentle and easy reciprocation till the mighty beast is lying there panting into the wind, squinting into the light of the falling sun.  The mighty, fully maned king of his jungle, one with his natural state, at peace. FIRE!!

So sad.  Anyway, Now that you have the gist lets cover a few quirks of the feral male.   Some seem almost domesticated but have trouble with the female wishing to domesticate.    One could dance whatever dance there is and have totally forgotten how to dance with a lady.  They may not know when to hold fast that mouth of theirs.   They do not actively hunt for a mate like the others.  They have often forgotten that game and even if they are interested in making it an easy catch they are at a loss of what to do.  They don’t know how to fetch and the command to roll over with just get you a tilt of the head and a blank stare.  They forgot how to have that watered down super ego that is used to meet women.  Blunt and tactless.  Think Lady and the Tramp or The Aristocats, yet Ole Thomas O’Mally probably had more charm than many of these blokes.

On the other hand, you have the beast who has a taste for the easy kill.  They know all the tricks.  They will play fetch. They will roll over, roll you over then be gone.  You may think you are chasing, think you are damn good too.  Then the vultures are picking at your eyeballs and whatever else the son of a bitch left behind.

With one you have to be a bit more wary if by luck you identified his markings.  The former you must be a little patient with and a little less judgemental. They aren’t playing the game the others are and at least you know a little of what you’re getting right off.

The biggest question that lingers in your mind is why are they as feral as they are?  Did no one want them?  Abusive owners made them run away?  Just plain wild.   Those are all things a good hunter will discover in time.   Good Hunting.

P.S If you like spread the word, I am sure you have associated yourself with worse.  Perhaps not.  Still would be nice though.

How come we never #&@*ed?

Everyone has looked back at the people in their lives and had questions.  “What ever happened to them?” “Did they ever make it out of town?”   “I wonder if they ever got hitched?”  “Did they ever drop that coke habit?”

After all those obvious questions admit it or not follows the most curious question of them all, “How come we never fucked?”  All those plutonic friends, flirts, near misses and unforseen crash and burn failures that leave a nostalgic “what would have been,” or “whew, that was close.”   Does that sound bad to think of such a thing? Then your full of it. Everyone thinks it and tries to pretend its twisted or wrong to save face when it basically is hilarious.

One could ponder it and sometimes the reasons can be sad or embarrassing but when reflecting, the answers can become obvious and often quite amusing.  Yet, no matter if the answers you come to are depressing or funny they are things only you can figure out for or admit to yourself.  So deluded personal relationships can be that it is a fool hearty mission to presume when one directly involved may still hopelessly ponder the reason behind the lack of loving.  In fact it takes some honest introspection and  some hindsight for someone to figure it out.  That does not mean we’re not gonna try.

Some people may ask this all the time, how come it ain’t happening period.  May be a bigger problem but some of these examples might still help.

Too blasted; You coulda, you shoulda, but you were too damn stoned, drunk or coked up.    There usually isn’t a repeat situation involving alcohol or hard drugs and that is a one time miss.  There were unique circumstances that led to the situation and it definitely left a poor impression that is all the more clear to the girl as they sober up themselves.

Sometimes with the pot heads though, the girl may make many attempts.  The cute stoner, you’ve seen them in movies. They might not even know your high, but you do. You’re Captain Oblivion and have no idea the girl is pining for you.  She eventually gets sick of hearing that she is a cool chick and sitting like a blob. She returns to earths orbit leaving you to your cluelessness. A girl can only take so much 70’s rock and burnt out babble before your no longer cute enough.

So, drugs yep.  Many girls can have their bias’.   If your one who does that crap, did that crap, know someone who does that crap and your done.  On the other hand, you do have the coke whores.  Girls into coke, well. Tend to be whores.  Addiction is what it is.   No they don’t love you for you.

You’re a coward; You know that brash asshole who kept getting the chicks, he did so because yeah, he may have been an ass, but he put himself out there while you my friend did not.  That is to simple of a condemnation no?  So why were you a coward?

She made you stumble over your words, didn’t think you had a chance yada yada yada; well then yeah you chickened out.  There’s a dual responsibility ladies, if the guy is shy, that might be one of the things you like about him. Xena the hell up, you don’t know what you may find in that shell.  You see the poor bastard sweating you, stop being an arrogant twit and you start the interaction.  In this modern world of equals is it all that hard to fill in where another is weak and throw a guy a bone.  There is also the chance where your just not quite up to snuff for him to approach and you need to impress him with some courage and independance.

You did not want to risk the friendship; ah, there is the biggie.  Some real good friendships can be screwed up by a night in bed, but then that’s how some good relationships start no?  It is the males job or females job to cross the line?  Yeah yeah, your gonna say the mans, but if he is wrong he then become a “jerk” that betrayed the girls trust or now a poor guy whose really nice but who now must be kept at a distance.  Sucks no?

I suppose a girl could say the same.  She becomes the “chick who is trying to get with me.”   Can you blame them? “Christ, how can I tell them all my down low info when they could be manipulating me to favor them?”  There are ways around it, but that is not our topic.

So, too good of friends, too much of some chemical.

The quote; Ah yes, when your friends turn their head slightly to the right with a suspicious eye, shit eating grin and ask, “What did you say?” as you try to explain why nothing happened, they are looking for the quote.   You’re not thinking, you’re in party mode, in the comfort of your friends maybe, or plainly nervous.  Things can come out.  One can never know what nerves someone has close to the surface.

This is you at a party: “Hey, my buddy Jeff over there, Hey Jeff!, the guys such a retard. I love him, such a tard.”  Now what did you say wrong there?  You are just showing how loving in typical male fashion) you can be of your friends right?   Yeah, well she has a cousin with down syndrome so your fucked, actually you ain’t.

Think of it, think hard on the things you may have said in all these encounters and that’s when shit gets hilarious.  So yes, verbal miscues.   Don’t go political or religious.   Don’t be sexist, racist or a bigot of any kind.  Do not be forthcoming about your craziest moments or friends.   You have to be the most interesting boring person out there at times.

Appearance; Your friends with that asshole that’s why. Guilt by association.  You posse can be worse than checkered pants with a striped shirt.  Your boys a playa, you a playa, your ex girls got the clap, you got the clap.  Enough said.

Cloths of course, yeah, yeah, you don’t want any girl who is gonna judge you.  But who isn’t really. And are you’re saying you wouldn’t judge?  Ok perhaps you don’t, so above it all and with the power to see into peoples souls.  So  humble, sensitive and wise or perhaps you are just clueless or may suffer from a defeatist complex but that’s an other day.

Fact is, cloths sometimes, kinda makes the man, especially if you’re looking for it.   Please for the love of God don’t be another dooosh, you know the type and we are not even going there.  Even the guys wearing flannels and don’t shave do well.  It doesn’t take much, but it does take a little effort. About the same amount of effort that keeps you from eating poison or from sleeping in your own feces.  That’s how they will look at it.  Woman: “How freaking hard is it to look presentable? He just does not want to get laid.”

Failures to dress properly are obvious tells to ones character.  If you are hopelessly ill equipped for a situation garment wise it tells the woman a few things about you.  You care not about the audience, being the other guests or even the purpose of the event. Example, wearing a polo shirt and or jeans to a wedding.    Some things can paint you as a slob or  someone who can’t take care of themselves and is looking for a mommy.   Some one who is poor or someone who is mentally ill or clueless.  Just picture the things you do at a gathering dressed somewhat sharp.  Then imagine yourself doing the same things dressed like crap.

The unseen assassin; Women talk a lot of shit. Say it with me now, A LOT of SHIT.   If you impress or repulse a girl, you have done so for their absentee friends.   Your chances for fornication were foiled because of things you cannot possible know.   God forbid you end up with in the politics of women.

True story. This is a crazy and extreme but great example. I rushed for a coed fraternity made of of 95% women.  Genius right?  Stupid, stupid, so stupid.   No matter how charming you can possible be.  How fair, polite.  Make sure not to favor any faction, and women have factions.  If there is more than five heads, there are factions.   It does not matter. It is not about you.  You are a tool, a weapon.  I won all three rush competitions was nominated for rush presidente.   I showed up at the dance and danced with everyone.  I would dance with one girl and four to the left were burning holes in my back.  So i would dance with one of them only to have another set of girls preparing voo doo dolls in my like.  It continued on and on and I cannot recall how many I had danced with.  I felt kinda like Maria, yet besides the  Sharks and the Jets there were the Blood, Crips, Hells Angels and Pagans as well.  I should have known my days were numbered.

Three girls took it upon themselves to fabricate lies to bar my entry when it came time to vote rushes in.   Odd and disturbing lies at that.  It started a whole hoo ha in the group.  A minority greatly pissed off the majority by doing so, and my closer gal pals had been in the majority go figure.

In the end they ended up doing me a favor, but the absurd part  is two out the three girls on separate occasion approached me and asked me out.  I wonder if they knew why they didn’t get lai…..you know what I should have…then..nah, I ain’t the petty type.  But now I know why I didn’t I was pissed and unwilling to step into the open invitation because of it.  Dumbass.  The point is, I was a controversial, target to be used for other peurposes, once I was no longer a playing chip peoples outlooks change dramatically.  The timeing and circumstances for the woman make up the unseen assassine.

So, too high, too good of friends, associations, wardrobe, verbal miscues, female politics

One More; You’re potential.  This is a young girls game.  They flirt, they may even call, ask probing questions and make it clear they obviously don’t mind you around but they aren’t going so far as to make you think your wanted.  They don’t want a boyfriend or one like you quite yet.  You wouldn’t mind just the sex but they would.  They don’t want to see the naughty side, that’s far the random guy at the bar or that on again off again prick.  You, no you they plan, when the moment is right for them, you get to go through all the painful shit to get the freaky shit, because you seem to fit the like of someone they can really care for.  Most have been on at least on side of this many on both side.

Once in a while a girl will end up telling it straight. Doesn’t make the guy fell any better.  “So let me get this straight, you rather take your chances with the  poster boy for hepatitis over there than with me because you think you may get hurt?”  She tries to make him understand and he says, “You’re crazy, goodbye, and just sex would have been just fine.”

Both sex’s do it, both don’t want to hurt or end up being hurt and I suppose the ethics of is in how well you communicate the situation or string the person along.

So, several reason why you and whomever did not get it on.  Now just if you could figure why you and so and so DID get it on.

This brings me to a fun game.  If you have no shame, have thick skin and have a host of people who have known you for a relatively long time this is what you can do.   Starting with old gal pals, or guy pals if you’re a girl, then with any friends then if your real ballsy old acquaintances.   At the right moment in a conversation, a positive peak, a place where this question could pop up or at an absurd place either way you will know. Timing is everything.  You have to be ready for anything.  At the right time say, and old friend says to you, “Remember that time at……where ….did……?”  You laugh, stop look her in the eye and ask, “How come we never fucked?”

The Big Bang

There is a state of bachelordom which can be found confusing to observers and sometimes frustrating to women.    A life of content and passive cruise control.   As much as women like to be chased down, they are also intrigued by the ones who play hard to get.  Those who do not show an overabundance of interest can quickly make a women feel insecure and bring out their aggressive side.

Many women greatly value the position of fag hag, nothing like a women trapped in a man for the company of a not threatening male.    These two are at worst a gal pal or a challenge.   Of course there are the married or committed, but then there are the single men who are not even playing coy they have a genuine aura of indifference.

They don’t care.  They will ignore  or even mock models in their face.  Unlike a man in pursuit they will not entertain a conversation they are not interested in.  All the little games, no longer work.  If  you play the “hit and run butterfly routine,” where you give him a taste and go around the crowd leaving him wanting, he may find the buffet a suitable replacement. If he’s a looker he will be more likely engrossed for the moment with a few other women who picked up what you dropped.  He may full out disappear.

The girl who plays the wise ass tough girl might end up on the receiving end of a few good zingers.  The soap box intellectual might just find herself a vocal opposition.   Women greatly overlook the amount of behavioral miscues men ignore, or put up with in a social environment.    I am not saying women don’t at times do like ways nor am I talking about people just being rude.  I am speaking in specific about the cute off the cuff remakes that are typical when a woman is feeling desirable.  A man in this mode does not suffer any non-sense unless he is the root of it.

Sure when a gals gay friend comes out with something, it’s a laugh riot but when a straight man whom they find attractive gives a verbal love tap, it can be a solid haymaker blow to the woman’s ego.

Why does this happen?   Because these men just don’t care.  Perhaps they are those wealthy and powerful villains with hoards of gold diggers to choose from.  Maybe there are just very bad men.  Or, maybe they are in a place in their lives where they just don’t care.

Women will openly complement these men, flirt when they aren’t flirters, get aggressive when they are usually far from it.   They just don’t understand.   How…don’t they need us? Doesn’t he want this? Maybe a priest?  Gay?  Maybe he is terminally ill and has only a year to live and doesn’t want to put a woman through that because he is so brave and sensitive? Maybe he lost his penis in the war?

Or they just don’t care. Why?  Because just like the hub bub about secure women who “don’t need a man,” these gentlemen, are secure, happy, and confident.  They have had vagina before and don’t feel it’s worth risking that happiness, security and confidence over it.   They can range from career players to guys that have been beaten down enough and can’t trust their judgment in women.    Maybe two alimony payments are enough or he finds that paying for sex is much cheaper in so many ways.

So what can you do with a man who just doesn’t care?  Get him drunk, come on hard.  You may get laid but probably not much more.  This is why these men are frustrating to women, because it is out of their hands.   You can only hope to be the “Big Bang.”

They are still men, they are still human. They can shelve their libido, play it cool, and walk away from easy va jay jay, but there are exceptions.   The right type of prey they have been passively looking for and the Cheshire cat grin spreads across ones face.

They can feel their cool falter for a second, their eyes dilate, and they give you a very curious look in the eyes.   These are seasoned veterans, the reason why they seem not to care is because they know what they want.  You may remind them of an old sweetheart, a high school crush or you measure up well against the composite ideal woman they have constructed in their head.  As in nearly anything else, their history is the major factor in deciding their romantic relationships at this point in their lives.

They say a woman knows if they will sleep with a man or not in what, five minutes?   These men know within four seconds.  Yeah, they may sleep with you, but the difference is that those who set off that explosion behind his eyes, they really, really want to sleep with and Deary you have no control over it.

Suddenly they are playful, forward, most of all interested and you are making the other women puke.

Now don’t you have a curious thing on your hands?

The Don Juan Dilemma

It was an innnnteresting weekend. One night I found myself explaining to a 17 year old hitting on me, why I wasn’t going to be calling her. The next night my friends and I got a kick out of the fact that the waitress I had been flirting with, also ended up to be attending high school.

Over a few beers, I pondered what those 35+ and those under 20 see in me that the 20 something fail to. But, it’s ok, for even if that wasn’t so, I still suffer from a far more complicated, idealistic conundrum. I tend to have romantic expectations of romance.

My libido abides by a cannon as popular as Zoroastrianism. I am one of a minority, though a large one. I am one of those who suffer from The Don Juan Dilemma. Perhaps unrealistic, maybe, grandiose but those with DJD often feel that there is a great lack of maturity and honesty in this modern dating scene. We feel left out, in a limbo between the highly conservative and the promiscuous.

There are all sorts views on the topic but when it comes down to it your basically left with two choices. One being you go out frequently with your friends and most of the time stare at the other sex from across gym class. Occasionally people make contact that doesn’t involve coyness, snobbery or the knocking down of small trees. And they will date, somewhat monogamously, until it no longer suits their fancy and move on to another and another. It sounds simple enough. Many people choose this for it’s simplicity, and social respectability but it is truly unnecessarily complicated.

There are unwritten rules, declared rules, broken rules, stretched rules. Rules only one person knows about. Rules made up on a whim. Feelings, strong feelings, over sensitive feelings. Expectations. For everything. Limitations. And for every single slight conflict there is at the very least a federal courts annual worth of litigation going on subconsciously with in their lovey-dovey heads.

Choice two. Like animals many live out their lives normally until the hormones in their bodies take over and demand sustenance. So they go to the local watering holes to get drunk and get laid. Of course many do this, and that’s fine. But don’t blame the alcohol. You are an animal and you behave like one. So don’t act like you are any better than anyone else (which many of these people like to do) because you consciously put yourself in the situation to get your balls off. The alcohol just makes up for the fact that you are incapable of making a connection with someone that quickly. Shit, few are.

See, for people who suffer from the Don Juan Dilemma, these options just are flatly, unacceptable. First off, in a Don Juan world people take care of themselves, and would be knowledgeable of any afflictions they have and would be upfront and honest with those they attempt to screw. Did I mention that many of you animals are filthy animals, not in the sense that you may be inflicted, but would be enough of a piece of shit to endanger someone else to illness. In a Don Juan world, a drunken, panting clusterfuck one-night stands do not exist.

A Don Juan would never have sex with a person if they knew that person wouldn’t care if a car hit them the next day. Sounds ridiculous? DARE! Think right now about any and all the one-night stands you have ever had and tell the mirror that you would be sincerely up set to hear that the poor bastard had died of the Boogaloo flu. And no, long time friends don’t count.

Yeah, animal. For the men and women suffering from DJD, there is no “wham, bam, thank-you mam.” There is conversation, flirting, and activity or two. A few ours discovering each other’s bodies before tripping the lights fantastic. There is a confident connection made, a night of good sex, and most likely a morning of good sex, followed by a western omelet. No one night stands. Only lay down weekends. Then a short goodbye. For a week or so, maybe a month. Maybe for forever. Does it matter? DJD’s know that dozens of short and wonderful relationships are healthier and more satisfying than what the animals or clingons go through.

One could brandish us a sinners, but several romances, even a few simultaneously, are no worse than using a perfect stranger to blow your load on or in. Or building relationships that truly never should never have been, and end up doing an array of deceitful things towards its demise.

Why it doesn’t work? Too many people don’t know how to communicate, relax, and enjoy the moment. Too many are greedy, untrusting or untrustworthy. I’m sure many women would say that they all would love that type of thing. That’s why they read all those romance novels. Nein! Niet! False! In reality, that Fabio type character, after giving the woman the high hard one, and striking her out, will find himself with these giant ass talons attempting to dig into his flesh. We’re not talking cute kitty cat claws or the scratches of passion. We’re talking razor like velociraptor scythes. Many times when women find something good, they won’t let it go. Now the poor Don, is a player. Why? Because the bitches get greedy, get possessive and if given to shove off, resentful.

Men? Well, most men do not have the tact, grace, sensitivity or self-control, to manage like a Don. There care little about making a personal connection, or anything else but getting their knob lobbed, dick wet, balls off, carrot snapped, dolphin dipped, monkey wrangled, poll polished, yang wanked, or pickle tickled. Sad but true, can’t blame the woman so much for trying to keep a good thing, as much as you can condemn a man for manipulating a woman. Or, in other words it’s just as hard to find a man who will treat you the way you want than it is to find a woman who won’t turn around and treat that man like shit.

Though after all, even though those with the Don Juan Dilemma usually find things unfulfilling, at least we don’t have to deal with all that other shit. What was that? “I am no Don?” Think what you want, but go ahead to your local Jr. High or retirement home and ask around. Yeah, that’s right. Taking Callers, Only Juanita’s need apply.

Break Up Already!!

Join me again as I dive into the depths of stupidity that we find in the hearts of oh-so many.  I’m not here for another general attack on any specific gender.  I feel it is a good time to be a little bit more specific.

I would first like to state three facts.  1. Anyone can be manipulated.  2. Men never change.   They may pretend they change, but in reality men only get balder, wider, and grumpier, period.  3. Modern women share many characteristics and motives with the sperm carriers and this is often over looked.

How many gals do you know who are in a relationship, and every time you look at that person you ask yourself “why?”    How many times have you heard these girls say something like “well, we’ve been together for so long.” (Feel free to imitate in a high-pitched voice of your choice)  Now, these morons are overlooking a few things, so let’s delve into it a little shall we?

The man, who “doesn’t really like to dress up”,  “really into his work”,  “is so busy he’s forgetful” is  A. Full of shit.  &  B. Will always be that way.

Now sure, he can skip out on social events that involve your family, friends, or career now.  Cause, well, he really is getting good at that Texas Hold’em thing.   But do these gals understand that when they are a bit older that that jackass on the couch is going to be the majority of their adult human contact and that your friends will be too busy with their own lazy ass and his rotten offspring.

But they stay with these guys because “it’s already been so long.”  Daft bitch.  So they can’t break it off now, so they will wait until they get an actual contract under law, under God, and then finally choose to get a reality check and break it along with the family base they owe their children.  Nice.  Or they hunker down and stick with their marital vows.  Hello prescription drugs.

And gentlemen,  Sure, perhaps your girl is a saint who loves your lazy ass, or stupid enough to be controlled by you but any man who has the chance to walk out in public with a attractive woman on his arm and brushes it off is a moron, that or a closet fag.  Even if it’s the same face you see every day.   If you’re sick of it, get rid of it.  Even if you don’t think you’ll ever get laid by anyone else.  At least you’ll save money on the alimony, and can use that cash for a rub and tug.

Seriously, if I wasn’t such a virtuous person, I’d sweep your woman off her feet and onto her back while you’re at home fiddling around with your pecker doing whatever mundane thing you do.  And it would be wonderful.

Not that that is an excuse for a ho to be a ho, but really that may happen if you keep treating your girl like you have an Oedipus complex.

If, You’re so confident that if you continue to let your girl go out lonely and unescorted and she’s not gonna cheat on you.  She already has and she enjoyed it.

If your man does not man up, and get your back, even when of course, you did something moronic, then he doesn’t really give a fuck.  That includes, rides to work, and fixing flat tires, and applying jumper cables. (Please for the love of God do not try to explain that over the phone)

It goes the same for the girl who doesn’t escort your drunken ass home and baby talks you as you unconsciously mumble for your mother while clawing at the bathroom floor and shitting yourself.

You want a happy homemaker and your woman is a slob and hates to cook.  An encounter with your signifs parents always ends up being a traumatic experience.  He has gone almost as far as to swear on the bible he wants nothing to do with children.

Sure, if you are in reality, in a relationship where things are so peachy that such issues are merely hurdles to jump over and laugh about as if in some television sitcom, fine.  Yet, if the other person is not the light in your eyes, that a the relationship seems “to take work” after a few years you’re gonna have to get real.  You can’t wait for the obvious deal breakers to come along, it is quite a waste of life and will make things harder not easier.  Waiting for a huge blowout, someone cheating or a nervous breakdown is silly.

This is for all the relationships that seem ok on the surface but they have a little rotten core, and after all they seem “ok”.  Screw ok.

A few more hints. If…she doesn’t suck “it”, and that’s important to you, well, then she better learn it and love it way before there’s a ring, because then negotiations are over.

If…he’s not so suave or romantic, he never will be.  A man grows up to be romantic or they do not.  Then as a young man, the romance in his soul, along with his heart is either ripped out of him, or not.   The not so exuberant proposal over leftover Chinese will be the most romantic moment for the rest of your life.  It’s done, over, order you Fabio covered female spank novels now.

It’s a long life people.  Don’t let them fool ya.   Looks fade, but she’ll always be a cunt.    He may not a rapist or an axe murderer and makes a good living, but he’s still less exciting than watching Jell-O solidify and always will be.

Ask a Dude: The Badass

Ava asks: Why do some guys try to act so hard and treat girls like shit then beg and cry when the girl finally leaves them and make promises they aren’t going to keep?

Well Ava, I have seen and heard much of this breed of man.  We shall call him the “Bad Ass.”  Their behavior could be simply disregarded as the result of not having a strong male role model in their lives.   Hence they don’t know how to treat a woman properly and act like a bitch. But I believe it deserves a much better explanation.

The “Bad Ass” puts up a huge front because they are not comfortable in their own skin.  Eventually in their transformation to a man they don’t develop in substance but become all front, like a child in a Ninja Turtle costume.

Highly insecure and with well disguised self esteem issues the Bad Ass feels that he has little control of his life.  When a woman steps into the picture, who still obviously have their own lessons to learn, and who condones the “Bad Ass” behavior, the guy now has some sort of control in his life.  It gives him the instinctual feeling of dominance that for reasons of his own has been lacking in his psyche.

In reality, there aren’t really aren’t too many Bad Ass’s out there, there are plenty of bad men, and yes they will treat women like shit because they treat everyone like shit.

When the girl finally gets sick of it all and dumps the “badass” his fragile ego shatters.  That sense of control, of power are gone and he has been rejected.  A real bad ass may try to talk, might apologize, but in reality shrug his shoulders because he knows you were right and you did actually annoy him as much as he said.

This “bad ass” is much more sensitive to rejection and will become the whimpering child that he is inside.  He feels like a baby whose mother ripped the bottle straight out of his mouth.  He will make promises and apologies that mean little because the girl was a sucker for that shit once already so why not again?  He wants you for that sense of control, of manliness, so he’s not going to go about making changes once he has you again because that would mean that your in control, and he already feels like a dog with out his balls.   The “bad ass” usually ends up with the girls who have even lower self-esteem.  The ones that fear or feel they don’t deserve real connections or love.   Both these people come together because they are scared in general, and scared of really putting themselves out there and therefore leaving open the possibility of really getting hurt.

Emotionally immature, slightly retarded, what ever you would like to call it.  The bad ass is just a guy who is having a bumpier drive on the way to being a man.  Hopefully he will learn, but that’s not going to happen any faster if there’s a girl out there willing to do a disservice to herself and nurse that bullshit ego.

The Korean Microcosm

South Korea is an interestingly simplistic microcosm of the dating scene. Of course people are people and life and love is never simple but from a foreigners perspective there are just a few simple givens.

Before we get to that lets lay out the canvass. Korea is a patriarchal society, similar to the United States in the late 50’s early 60’s. The women dress fashionable but much more humble than the women of the west. The individual man or woman for the most part is a lot more humble and grounded here, at least on the surface. Basically steroids and G- String are nearly unheard of. If you do see the rare spicy billboard with a scantily clad woman she is most definitely a western women.

The culture does not allow that type of objectification of their women. As women in the U.S, sometime sickly by the age of ten find the goal to be found “sexy” the Korea as well as Japan focus on “cute.”

The people can be quite xenophobic at times and at times very kind.  The women do seem to be on the rise with every generation and most likely eventually will be as much as a pain in the ass as my own beloved Americans. As the country continues to grow and advance the more the roots of communication spread. Those roots are filled with marketing, the coal behind capitalisms smoky fire.

As a nation becomes more and more industrialized the people in that said country want what the other cool kids have. Ever see a club full of Asians who were somewhat convinced that they were gangster rappers? I have, and where I come from Asian typically do not care for those from African descent let alone embrace rap music. Plastic surgery is not only common but on the rise in a country where tattoos are extremely rare.

The effect of the worlds, how shall I say, “world median commercial marketing culture.” Ooo is this the birth of a term? Probably not. Sure there is a chapter on it by a much shorter name in some anthropology textbook somewhere and some college brat will roll their eyes at this. Well ya know what? The WMCMC, it’s musical, it’s mine and I am sticking to it.

Anyway, what I call the world median commercial marketing culture is the signs, songs, brands, and personalities you will see nearly everywhere. Pepsi, Coke, Mc Donald’s. Ray Bans, Channel, Manchester United, Jackson, Obama, Beatles, you get it. It is a big world, and only giants have the feet big enough to get around. Yet, there is the undercurrent, the wind that they bring with them that take a real effect on a culture.

It is common for each country to take from that collective unconscious of the WMCMC and create its own version. Koreans and French have their own rap culture. I have seen Balinese try to break dance. How many American women pay mucho moola on garb to strut around as if they were in Paris and on the cutting edge? Korea has their own pizza, fantastic if you love corn and their own beer, fantastic if you love hangovers. But, it’s not the clothes, food or the music that make the big splash in a society. It’s the attitudes and expectations that come along with them. Hence the increase in plastic surgery and one of the major forces that creates the Korean dating Microcosm.

For Natives to date the foreigner is looked down upon and in the wrong area one may get looks, but for the most part it is common. The immigrants in Korea make up around 2% of the population and are made up primarily of Chinese, South East Asians, and Eastern Europeans. Most are migrant workers and I must say never met one. Other than that you have the U.S military boys and the 20,000 or so foreign English teachers that come from a small list of countries that includes the U.S, England, Scotland, Ireland, South Africa, and Australia. That is a shallow and brief description of Korean culture but my aim is not to write an anthropological thesis.

Now, the microsocm:

The players:

Let’s start with the Korean women and those expectations that the wind brought. Not only is it perhaps an opportunity for a local gal to see America, Canada what have you, it alleviates the conflict between Korean traditional culture and the culture that the WMCMC brings. European and U.S men have been enlightened/ beaten down long enough that their behavior towards their mates are relatively liberal. In other words compared to the far majority of the world European and American woman get away with not murder but all out genocide.

Now an exotic stranger who cares little about keeping you in your traditional place and may even take entirely out of that place might seem just a tad appealing no? The girl can pick and choose what she wants and doesn’t want from her culture. Of course she might have to fight a small war with her family to go on with it, but the price of freedom eh?

Now the foreign men. Plainly, Many come from a land where they are used to pulling 2’s and 3’s and are now getting 9’s and 10’s elsewhere. Ones happy to have a little extra freedom, the other is just happy to have a good looking girl that has less expectations, judgments and need a lot less maintenance. You have heard me talk about the varied effect of the woman’s liberation on the modern chicas super ego over there, and that butterfly sneezing set off several little El’ Nino’s in Korea.

Besides getting a better looking girl than they could get at home, the foreign man gets a more traditional one. Some may like the sub missive type but I rekon it is because the Korean women genuinely want to take care of them. They still have many feminine gender role characteristics that men love and that many western women have lost.

Sure, sure, you take of your man, but like Asian women, probably not. It may be somewhat out of western culture now and to behave in such away would make you feel insecure and uneasy. See, western girls want to be Sex in the City Girls, Men don’t want Sex in the City Girls. It’s not the independence or strength they are afraid of. They just want to have someone who they know is capable of taking care of their children and them when they break down. That Many women would scoff at such a thing.  But that was strength.

The latchpin of the family, the one who must baby the babies when they are being babies.  Even the big baby. The matriarch, the greater woman behind every great man.   I would not be surprised if my mothers and grandmothers generations were actually stronger breeds than anything that has come since.

Where is that happy medium?  Is it easier to find a woman and show her new strength or find a “modern woman and pray she finds the strength she failed to develop.  It kinda gets me to thinking that as far as Americans are concerned, they marry foreigners for completely different reasons, but that’s another story.

Women shouldn’t, but they will blame a man who is attracted at all to those old gender roles just as men blame the modern women for being egocentric and overly demanding.

Foreign women get the short end of the stick.  A few date Korean guys, some for similar reasons as the foreign men. North American women don’t typically care too much for the local men.  It would be the opposite of the Korean women. They risk getting involved in a more repressive culture.  How many western are gonna put of with that?   Other North American aren’t too appealing either.  Why fly from Mexico to Italy to have Tacos?

Yet, if a South African or British bloke opens their mouth the poor girl’s knee go weak. For the Aussies, South Africans and English man the world is their oyster. They can just shuck, shuck, shuck along until they find a pearl. Now if you’re a North American who isn’t into Asians or doesn’t care for the submissive type you will be asked what you are doing there and your response probably should be “not for the women.” After all if you do not deal with the Koreans, your just a taco.

Of course this all generally speaking. I know when you speak in generalities you can only be a fool and I do so love to play the fool.

Why Sports? I’ll Tell You Why.

I am going to set forth and explain something, that when usually questioned, receives a glare, a shrug or “just get me another beer” in reply.   This is far all of you who wonder what exactly is the attraction to sports.  Why do we glue ourselves to the TV for hours on end? Why do we talk and debate endlessly about coulds, shoulds, whys and hows of these games?  Why do we paint faces, shout, sing songs and sometimes, even cry about these sports, which in reality have little importance to the survival of the individual crying? It is all because sport itself is an irreplaceable institution of civilized human society.

Aristotle claims man to be a social animal with a natural affinity for friendship and community.  Giving us a little too much credit.  Thomas Hobbes, is a little on the pessimistic side and felt that man, a self involved, individualistic creature, finds society to be merely a convenient way to get what he wants and keep it.

The reason behind sport lies between the two.   There was a time when men began to band together for such things as protection and the mixing of genes.   Men poorly designed and vulnerable to their environment had to be constantly plotting, predicting, confronting, adapting to and conquering the adversities of the unknown that stemmed from the natural world.   That type of behavior is what makes one Human. Everything else is just basic life function.

In today’s society, the natural world hardly exists.  Yet there is still the underlining need for men to be men in a world designed for automatons.   Ones job and ones marriage and family are just fulfilling some of those animalistic life functions that every living creature does to exist.

The same reasons children knock each other around are the same reasons fuzzy little puppies; kittens and cubs knock each other around.   No, you do not see a bunch of grizzlies practicing a play action pass. (And we should worry if we do) but the natural world has not been removed from them.  Society might not have the need for each man to use his instincts.  But his instincts need society to provide an outlet.

Today, there are more Monday morning chieftains than warriors to take the field but the war paint, tribal colors, the allegiances are as ever alive.  We plot and discuss, question and strategize, we form the tribal bonds of what we now call teams.   We defend “our home.”   We compete to win or lose. We do this all because it is what put us here on top of the food chain.

Many say sports are stupid, and that they don’t understand the purpose behind the game or the behavior of the fans.  Some of these are a little more feminine and prefer baking and potpourri.  Many have been roughed up by some dumb jock when they were 13 so decided to take it out on an entire social institution.   Most just are not athletically gifted.   Of these people many play Chess or Dungeons and Dragons or the like, where they plot, and predict to defeat their adversary on the field of battle.  Sound familiar?  Men are different sure, but they all are slaves to their instinct and will go about it in the ways they are best capable.  So if you find yourself, bitching about your loved ones and the games they play just be thankful you’re not in a society where those games aren’t warranted for your loved ones at least will be coming back alive.

I also guarantee that if you take a group of people of similar size and athletic ability and give them a game to play, that they will have the time of their lives.   It might not be a pretty to watch but that’s not the point.  If this sounds sexist oh well.  I see a lot of women sports too and if you’re not playing, you’re either fawning over the warriors or kissing boo boos.  What about the whole “nesting” thing and shopping? Yes, the table can be turned.  If you’re still too (insert nonconformist click) to think sports are ok.  Well, athletes do drugs too if that’s helps.  Also, I’d kick your ass in Chess, Stratego, or Risk and I have a 2^ND Edition Druid or a 3^rd edition fighter/mage that would ruin you. Four eyed bitch.

If you are just a concerned, or jealous girlfriend, you should stop being a self fish and or insecure and see the brighter side.  Yeah, sure there are no-lives that get carried away and spend way too much time involved yet there are many who just want to watch their team, or be left alone on Sunday.  How is this a good thing?  Any proper and manipulating woman with half a brain knows these things already, but I will enlighten you.

First, and most obvious, Bargaining chip.   “Sure I will leave you alone all Sunday, I will even pick you up from the bar IF…….”  You offer a day of football, with no tasks, calls for attention, no complaining, you will be surprised what that will get you.

If you actually take interest, you can play it like sex.  I know women in some relationships use sex as a reward, (If it were me and I had to do shit for it, well there would not  be a relationship)  You can play it off that you are joining him to keep him company and have y0ur wings and eat them to.

Thirdly, if you don’t really care for it, but you help him root for his team, and stay deathly quiet when things don’t go well he should appreciate that immensely. It can be something you do together, there just isn’t as much talking.  Very little in fact.  Think of it as quiet time, like if you were going to Church together.   He just prays to the T.V and mumbles swear words instead of church music.

On a side note regarding football over morning sex: There are seven days in a week.  But only one is Sunday.  There is one choice for the animal and one choice for the civilized man.  The civilized man knows there will be other mornings, but only two Redskin/Giant games a year.

Damaged Goods

“Fear of commitment,” a title given to a males prudence in perusing a progressive step in a relationship.  Usually it is suggested that it roots from the individuals love for his personal independence and freedom. Yet it can also be attributed to formulated comparative risk.

The combination of their own life experiences and the experiences of all their male acquaintances and their acquaintances, a fully rational set of understandings take shape in their psyche.

Everyone bachelor knows at least a few divorcee’s.   The horror stories of infidelity, alimony and child custody.   A man hears these stories, and they far outnumber the men who seem generally happy.  There are some guys that seem alright, but they don’t exactly make one want to do the same.  Who wants to risk it to be just alright?

They don’t want to me emotionally damaged or demasculinated like poor Uncle Joe.  Neither do they want to end up having to deal with some lunatic for the rest of their lives like his buddy Mike who has more gray hair attributed to his wife than to the kids.  Let not get into divorce stories, who wants to rehash divorce again?  Let’s talk about crazy people.

It is often said that the female gender is “crazy.”   It is because   A. A misconception and failure to relate to females in general and/or to a person as an individual which leads to the cop out “she’s crazy”.

B.  They are truly damaged goods.    Men seem to either take advantage of them or try to save them.

Daddy Issues are huge source of female self hatred.      It is given the lack of a male role model can screw up a boy growing up in several ways, but I would argue that is damages a female even more.   This is not new to psychologists.   A female with an unstable environment growing up and/ or has suffered sexual abuse is in for a chaotic life.  They crave and try to find love from anyone.   They have trouble with a stable world and will seek to disrupt it.  Their mind flips back and forth from narcissism to self hatred.    They can become deceitful and seek to use others.   They will rationalize and victimize themselves.  Lies become their façade.    Some of the saddest stories I have ever been told reflect some such women.

They are not stupid and mean to be promiscuous and liars.  It’s the self hatred and confusion that makes them so.   They truly need years of therapy but few ever get it.   So they use and are used and continue the hunt for quick source of happiness, whether it is drugs, sex or a new grand escape from another situation gone amok.

There are poor men who get involved with such women, and the rest of us either watch it or hear about it.  The guy himself is often completely fooled.  In some cases he can’t figure out what a smart attractive girl might want with him.   Sometimes the guy never came across such a thing and therefore doesn’t expect it or that he thinks he can save her.

But they lie.  Next to coke heads such women are the best liars.   Even when you think you catch them in lies, they are only the ones they allow you to catch.   You have to feel for these men.  The girl will be genuine to a varying extent.  She will be sweet and she will be such a model citizen the poor bastard is unassuming or thinks he is doing the right thing and that it’s a sustainable relationship.

It’s only a matter of time before she breaks.   She will get eventually get   uncomfortable because she is in a stable atmosphere.  Because of her childhood she is not hard wired to accept such a thing.  She will then begin to sabotage her life.   Sometimes she may not as blatantly sabotage her life, but she may fuck up like any normal person but truly hate herself for it which makes her fuck up again and again and again.

There is a poor bastard caught up in this and has to watch.  They often convince themselves that there are things that can be done, that it is different when sadly they could never truly find happiness with that person, they are simply too damaged and only damage the poor bastards that actually care for them.

When I hear about these women I feel so badly.  I couldn’t do hookers and kinda loath strip clubs because they are filled with damaged goods.    I see a poor confuse little girl and it’s depressing as shit. One can only hope that such women have some true support structure that they can get serious help.

Unfortunately most men don’t even think of it, will use these women, or figure if they don’t the next guy will.

It may be hard to see the red flags, perhaps you just can’t help from giving it a try but gentlemen you have to take some self responsibility and you have to know when to take responsibility as a human being.

Girls Can Be Nice

As a perpetual bachelor, you, after a while tend to lose grip on the actuality of the female nuance.  You get kind of indifferent in a lot of respects.  The female gender reverts back to being the oddly interesting on the other side of the grade school gymnasium or in more bitter moods the chance to get involved in a monotonous, on going exchange for sex and money between two people. But women do all these wonderful little things, and it may be possibly more of a rarity now a days, but there is a world of men out there who perhaps may be jaded by a unfair illusion of the female figure do to the media, but they are also out of touch with the nurturing aspect of women that a lot of modern women struggle to hide more than their cellulite.

When I mastered applying suntan lotion to the middle of my back with a spatula I thought women to be no more a need, but sort of a dividend. Where you got what you only invested.  I was doing my food shopping at a dollar store so I had little to invest, and therefore quite proud of my skill will a spatula.

Single men don’t want to reflect on all those little things because they are cracks in our foundation, or independence and pride.  To actively dwell on wanting all those little things in a needy fashion is weakness.   I had completely forgot a lot of things.  Some things I had never experienced.  And it’s like “whoa, what a sweet little creature.”

I can be a little bit of a dingbat and tend to misplace things.  There was one such creature where as I would randomly put down my, cigarettes, wallet, keys, beeper (oooooh remember those!) in several random places, she would calmly pick them up as I dropped them.  So when I was about to start the ten minute plight of finding all the crap I put down a few minutes before, this creature would be standing calmly by the door with all my stuff in her hands holding them out to me.   Gerg the cave man goes, “Ooh, that good, Gerg silly, Gerg go find you flower.”

There was another who would pin me down and pop my blackheads.  I first thought, shouldn’t that be gross? But it was really a touching act or strange habit, but I don’t think she was pinning people down in the subway to pop their zits.

That type of grooming, and baboon bug picking maintenance really grabs on to a man primal side and Gerg the cave man goes, “Oo Oo I go kill bear, make you coat.”

Even those who seem to have little feminine instinct, the effort is enough.  Cause they try something that they lack the nature for.  Like if a supermodel or nuclear engineer girlfriend tries to cook and burns the turkey, that’s fucking hot, I’d clear the table and take her right there.  I’d bottle the burnt turkey and make it a fragrance. And Boy! What I would do with the cranberry sauce.

When they jump like a fish out of water and give your cave man things curious interests or coddle complaints they might not even understand or truly support. Gerg says, “Ooh Ooh, I get you little Bed Rock Badger skin, is cute.”

They do a lot of adorable little things.  Which, the dude who goes from girlfriend to girlfriend, I guess takes for granted. Or the mama’s boys demand (cough Italians cough cough latins cough) The perpetual bachelor may not even know that women do that shit and it can be a little scary.  Gerg says “errr, not ready for wife, you not just want money?”

Of course there’s a fine line like if you come home and the girl you have been dating for a month had put pink curtains in your bathroom, you may want to move and change your name.  But be aware, they do some incredibly sweet things.  It’s not because one of them realized you are the god you always thought you were, and you should expect it because you deserve it.  Nor is it that they necessarily do it to try to “capture” you.  Most of them can do that with pussy alone.
They are into you, don’t be blind to it, appreciate it, and if you’re a perpetual bachelor who’s discovering new behaviors, don’t panic.